Gonzo

Thanx Frank, thanx for the 5 stars.... LOL Over the years I've seen the "no" A/C cars come in and out of the shop. It's no surprise to me that you would see one too. I guess there's more "Max's" out there... Thanx again...

"4 SALE 1 Used Car Salesman" What do you think of when you see a badly fitting plaid suit, white shoes, argyle socks with high wader pants, slicked back hair and the ever present "how are ya" handshake. The kind of guy with the big smile on his face while talking louder than he needs too. No, it's not your Uncle Ernie. It's one of those crafty used car salesmen we just can't get enough of. You know the type, the kind that show up at your shop and give you that same old song and dance routine… "I can send you a lot of business, why I could single handily double your work load with the amount of business I could send you." Always looking for that cutthroat deal and wanting you to bend a bit more so they can make another buck on the sale. Oh, sure, just what I need … a bunch of used wrecks that you bought from the auction without a clue as to how or why the car ended up there in the first place, along with even less of an idea of what it "really" takes to repair them. That brings back memories of a particular car I had the misfortune of getting involved with. There was this new car dealership (no longer in business by the way) that also had a used car division as part of their sales inventory. Into the shop came the exact type of guy I just mentioned… I'll call him "Max"… now Max, had just sold a little Pontiac to a gal, and low and behold… the A/C wasn't cold… and poor Max was in desperate need of a quick fix to get this car back to the new owner. He had the car over to me that same afternoon with that typical used car guy understanding that I would have it fixed by the time 5 o'clock rolled around and it was only going to take a few dollars out of his pocket and he didn't have to mention a thing to his boss or to the dealership. He expected to show his boss that he was on top of it all and could handle any crisis without consulting anyone. As usual, the conversation at the front counter centered around him and how he could influence sales and increase my business. Not like it's the first time I've seen this dog and pony show out of some plaid suit. I've heard it before, I let them fill the air with all their promises while I ponder how long it's going to take for me to get paid and how long it will be before he comes back to pick up the car. Max, made his sales speech and did the usual salesman twenty or so handshakes while buttering up the conversation with "you're the greatest, you're going to be so busy with work from me, man, you're the best I've ever known". (and I haven't done a thing yet…) All this before heading out the door and back to the car lot to sell the next car, but you know, he'll more than likely be sitting in his office chair with his feet propped up while scratching is foot with a golf club and cussing to his buddy because I haven't called yet. I pulled the car into the bay… as I was about to turn the key off I figured it can't hurt, why not to give the A/C a try. The A/C button lit up, the blower was on full blast and the temp dial was all the way to cold… hmmm, nothing but cool air came out of the vents. Ok, that I expected…of course it didn't work, that's what Max was here for… well, the next stop… under the hood. Not thinking that there would be too much more to worry about I pulled the hood release and wheeled the recovery machine alongside the car…. I opened the hood. Peering down into the engine bay I was in for a shock… … … oh, oh, what the @*#*???? Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? The compressor was missing…gone…non-existent… not a sign of it… Wait, wait, so are the A/C lines, now hold on here… so is the condenser, the drier, all the wiring, the brackets and the pulley… no way… it can't be… but, it sure looks like it… I'm afraid so… this car doesn't have air conditioning; in fact it never had air. Even the holes in the firewall were missing. All this car had was a button on the dash that said "A/C". Somebody must have changed the control head with one that was for a car that had A/C and good old Max fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Oh, this is going to be a fun phone call…. Poor Max, didn't know what to think, and of course the first thing he wanted to know was what it was going to take to put a complete system in a car that never had air conditioning. I had to laugh, I couldn't help it… Max is about to get the wakeup call of his life when he gets this estimate. I doubt his commission check is even going to come close to covering the cost of this screw up. After the initial shock wore off, Max decided to try to find a cheaper alternative than installing a factory system. He decided to try one of those "aftermarket systems" at one of those "discount" repair shops. The big issue wasn't really the A/C, but more to the point, the new owner… who was furious with the way the deal was handled and she was going to have old Max's hide and planned on doing some major complaining at the dealership if things didn't get resolved. The "add-on" air system was a complete flop… somehow, someway, the car ended up back at my shop to sort out the electrical issues with the aftermarket air system. The car couldn't hold an idle with the air on, and this was a late enough model that the air conditioning idle was controlled by the ECM and IAC valve. I was willing to try to help Max out one more time, even though I knew it was probably a lost cause. When I opened the hood to see this masterpiece of superlative engineering… I just let the hood drop… what a disaster… wires and tubing strewn thru the car … no concern as to where or what it was touching, let alone the way they had mounted the compressor. (They used a 2X4 wedge between the engine block and the compressor… looked like the shop couldn't figure out how to keep the belt tight any other way.) You've got to be kidding me… there was no way I was even going to take even one more second of this plaid suit wearing extraordinaire used car sellinggoing to improve my business portfolio-cheap skate guy's time or his all knowing expertise on how to "take care of" his customers cars. Because, this is NOT the way to do it… and one more fact Max… it ain't happening here partner… time for you to head down that highway of lost and forgotten used car deals… and leave me out of it. The last I heard was that the dealership took the ladies car back and ended up giving her a better model and one that actually had air conditioning. Max, well, as far as I know, he gave up the car sales business and is now working as a carnival side show barker. Sounds to me like Max has found his calling… cause he sure has the talent for the job. Now I just have to wait for the next "Max" to show up....

You know, anytime in the future that you are talking with someone... and they say.... Sum Guy .....said.... your all going to get this big smile on your face and nobody will know why. And, if they ask ...'what's so funny'... tell them... its a gonzo thing... you wouldn't understand...

He's everywhere....

Thanks for the laughs... it seems it never changes... Sum Guy gets around to everyones shop... Thanx to everyone for their comments... great stuff.... I've got more stories... Sum funny, Sum not so funny... LOL

This is a repeat story from sometime ago. But I promised to rerun this one for the Halloween season. Enjoy. Last stop before the asylum Talk about a weird day; I would have to say this was one of weirdest days of them all. On a foggy afternoon, no breeze in sight, and slight chill in the air, an old man came to the shop. He didn't come through the front door like most everyone would, no, he pulled his car right into the center bay of the shop. But, it gets stranger…. He didn't get out of the car. He didn't even roll down the window. He just sat there with both hands on the wheel, the engine still running, and staring out the windshield like a zombie from an old horror flick. It looked like he was calmly sitting at an intersection, waiting for the light to change. He had no expression, he never blinked; he just sat there….with this cold stone stare. I didn't want to walk in front of the car in fear he may take me as the green light. So I walked around the back of the car keeping one eye on this strange guy and crept up to the drivers' window. I tapped on the glass….no response from inside. I tried the door handle… it opened. "Afternoon sir," I said in a cheerful manner, trying to keep my curiosity at bay "Is there anything I can do for you today?" The old man, ever so slowly, turned his head towards me while maintaining a straight forward posture and both hands still on the wheel, never really looking up, he answered. "Why yes young man, my turn signals are acting up and my window won't roll down." (The man's voice reminded me of an old horror movie vampire.) Very creepy to say the least. He even looked like a 50's horror movie villain, you know, sunken in cheeks, large bushy eye brows, slow methodical speech, and that expressionless cold stare. (Where's his cape, does he keep the bats in the trunk, the coffin, where's the coffin?) "No problem sir," I answered. "Just head up front and they can write you an invoice for the repair and then I can get started." "I'd rather stay here, (slowly turning his head towards me, lifting his eyebrows, and raising his eyes up towards me so his glare was straight into my eyes) right here in the drivers' seat," he said in that creepy horror flick manner. (Insert spooky movie music here) Ok, where's the holy water…..where's my garlic….who's got the silver bullets…….where's the wooden stakes …….a little help here guys…..a guys….where are you.??? Why is it, when you look around the shop for help…..everybody disappears? Oh they'll show up, oh sure they will…after they let me be the first victim……not funny guys! ! ! I could ask him again to step out of the car or I could tell him about our policy on customers in the shop. I guess at this point I probably looked like one of those B movie extras that were too scared to say their lines. If I had any….. I figured I better tell him he can't stay in the car while I was working on it and see where that led. There he sat, still staring straight ahead out the windshield, not blinking, and not even moving a muscle. "Sir, because of insurance reason you can't stay in the shop. You will have to wait outside or in the customer waiting area," I said, trying to be as professional as possible. (They can smell fear you know) Looking straight forward, not at me; "You do whatever you feel is necessary son," then he turned his head and looked right through me, "I'll be sitting right here," all of which he said in that same eerie voice. He turned back towards the windshield without another word. Then, he just sat there, as still as a tombstone. Now I'm not scared…I'm getting riled up. I don't know what graveyard this movie mogul came from but…this is my shop. I have to take the responsibility here. If he isn't going to get out of the car I really can't do too much. Well, maybe I can do some quick diagnostics without having him get out of the car. This way, I won't feel like such a jerk if I have to get a little serious with this "Vampirish" guy "Sir, why don't you try those turn signals for me," I said. He did, and they seemed to be working just fine. "Could you try rolling down the window for me," I asked. It worked fine as well. Without a problem that I was aware of I thought the next best thing was to get him out of the car and take a look under the dash. "Sir, can you step out of the car so I can look under the dash," I asked. "No," was his response. "Well sir, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave," I answered, "Or, you can wait outside the shop while I take a look at the car." "No," again was his answer. "Ok, then, could you do one more thing for me, could you put it in neutral and leave your foot off of the brake," I calmly asked him. He did just that, then he put his hands back on the wheel but never changed his dead pan expression. I motioned to one of the guys in the shop to come over. We both grabbed the front of the car and pushed the car outside with the old man still in it. As we pushed him out you could see the old fella through the windshield, never changing his straight ahead stare…..he just sat there. I walked up to the drivers' door, the window was still down, "Sir, when you are ready to get out of the car I'll be more than happy to help you. But until then you will have to remain out here. If there is a medical reason why you can't get out of the car I'll make arrangements to assist you into a different chair or something that will be more comfortable for you," I said with a stern voice. The old man did that same slow head turn without taking his hands off of the steering wheel again. He stared right into my eyes….raised those bushy eyebrows, and with that same slow deliberate baritone voice "It's not medical, it's not a problem, I like my car the way it is…(and with his eyes extending out as if to make them larger)……with me in it." (There's that spooky music again) I walked back to shop to finish the other work that was there. On and off throughout the afternoon you could look outside and there was that creepy old guy sitting in his car. Staring right into the shop through the windshield of his car…. never moving, never blinking, still with both hands on the wheel. (There should have been some eerie fog flowing around his car….now that would have been creepy) At closing time, the old guy was still there. As soon as I starting to pull the doors down… he drove off. As the door came to its usual "thump" at the bottom…the shop radio went dead. You could hear a pin drop in the shop; the only noticeable noise was the old man's car leaving the parking lot. When the car noise was all but gone…the radio started back up. (No Kidding) It was like some page out of a horror movie…..Ok, Ok, it had to be just one of those moments when the station was changing a disc or something……but why right then. So, the next time you are at a traffic light and you see this old guy with big bushy eyebrows…staring through the windshield. Don't make eye contact, don't look back……….drive, drive far away! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ACURA Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead Asia's Curse Upon Rural America A Car Usually Rarely Appreciates AMC Always Made Crap Autos May Combust AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented Always Under Diagnostic Inspection Always Upside-down, Double Interest Another Understated Dealer Incentive A Used Dodge Incognito BMW Bob Marley and the Wailers Beautiful Mechanical Wonder Beautiful Models Wanted Bavarian Manure Wagon Biggest Metal Waste Big Money Works Bring My Wallet Burn My Wallet Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster Break My Window Bring More Women Bring More Wrenches Bavarian Money Waster Bring My Wad! Blew My Wad! Big Money Wasted Bring Money Where? Buy More Women But Mom, Why? Big Manufactured Waste BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer Big Ugly Idiot's Cat Killer CADILLAC Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling CAMARO Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattling Oil Leaking Everywhere Truck CHEVY Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean? Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet CHRYSLER Everyone knows who Lee Iacocca is right? His name IACOCCA stands for: I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions PT Loser (for PT Cruiser name) PT Boozer DAEWOO Damn All Engines With Oriental Operations Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally DODGE Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive Doesn't only die, gets eaten Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater Design Of Diabolical German Engineer Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere Damn Overhauls Do Get Expensive Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine Don't Our Dealers Gouge Everyone FERRARI Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively FIAT Found In A Trashcan Fantastic In A Tightspot Finest Italian Automotive Technology Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation Failure In Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Fix it again, Tony! Fix It Another Time FIRESTONE Firestone Inexplicably Recalls Explosive SUV Tires On Non-stable Explorers Firestone Overstates Reliability Data FORD Aspire: A Swift Punt In Rear End PINTO: Please, It's Not Too Odious! PINTO: Pyrotechnics Inevitable; No Timer Onboard PINTO: Put In New Transmission Often Ford Pinto: Flaming Oven Roasted Driver-Passengers Incinerated Nine Times Over THUNDERBIRD: This Hoopty Usually Needs Daily Engine Repair But It Rolls Downhill MUSTANG - Motor Usually Starts Then Almost Never Goes Found on repairman's doorstep Found on rack daily Ford Owners Recommend Dodge Full Of Rust Deposits Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable F**KING OLD RETARDED DRIVER Ford Focus....Ford F**ck Us F**ker Only Rolls Downhill Fancy Oil Recycling Device Found On Rubbish Dump F***ed Over Road Disaster! F***ing Oakey's Really Dig'em F**king Obese Road Disasters F**king Old Retarded Dudes Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Depreciation F***ing Old Rebuilt Dodge For Old Retired Drunks Here's another good one: FORD backwards --> Driver Relies On Family First On Recall Day Fast On Race Day For Off Road Driving Fireball On Rear Damage First On Race Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Frequently Overhauled, Rarely Driven Fault Of R & D MUSTANG - Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage F***ed On Raw Deal Fast Only Rolling Downhill Most tasteless one on the page: Found O.J. and Ron's DNA Flip Over, Read Directions Fork Over Remaining Dough F**king Owners Really Dumb F***ed On Race Day (F)illped (O)ver ®esevation (D)ecoration (F)**ked (O)ver ®ebuilt (D)iahatsu For Old Retired Dutchmen Found On Road Draggin Frickin Old Ragged Dumpster Fu**ed Over Rebuilt Dodge First On Repair Day FORD Owners Really Dumb From Our Reject Department LTD = Load of Trash from Detroit FORD backwards = Driver Returns on Foot GEO Get Everything Overpriced Got Everything Overhauled GM Government Motors General Maintenance General Mistakes Generally Malfunctions General Misery Great Mess General Malpractice Genital Motors Give More GiMme Getting Malignant Got Me Grab Me GMC God's Mechanical Curse Getting Mostly Crap GM Made Crap Generally Makes Clouds Garage Man's Companion Generic Motors Corporation Got A Mechanic Coming? Greatest Mistake Created Great Mountain of Crap Greasy Messy Contraption Gay Man's Chevy Generically Made Chevrolet Gimme My Checkbook! Get More Cash! HONDA Had One, Never Did Again Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad's Assistance Hang On, Not Done Accelerating Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else Honda Options: No Deal Available! Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons! Honda Options Never Deal Affordably Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions! HUMMER Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources HYUNDAI Here's Y U Never Drive An Import Hope You Understand: Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside Jeep Just Empty Every Pocket Just Expect Every Problem (Sent in by a visitor) Just Eats Every Penny Just Everybody Else's Parts Junk Everyone Eventually Piles Just Expect Extra Payments Jaguar Just A Guess U Are Rich Jumps Around Grinds Uncontrollably Always Rusting Jump Around Get Up And Run Kia Keep It Away! Kick It's Ass Korean Imitation Accord Korea's Imported Accident Killer's Imported Asset Kiss It Away Killed In Action Keep Inside Asia Korea Invades America Korean Industrial Accident Killer Implosion Awaits Killed In Accident LAMBORGHINI Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody's Image Lucky A Man By Owning Really Gives His Image Nice Inflation LOTUS Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious Maserati Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements MAZDA Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt Most Are Zealously Duped Always MERCEDES My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke - But Efficiency Near Zero Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon MITSUBISHI Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside Men In Tight Spots Uttering Bulls__t In Sexual Harassment Investigation MOPAR Match Old Parts As Required Most Often Parked At Roadside Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly My Old Pig Ain't Runnin' Move Over People Are Racing Mostly Old Parts And Rust Motor On Pavement After Race Moments Of Power Are Rare NISSAN Nobody Intelligent Sorrowfully Saying Ahhh Nutz Need I Say Something About Nothing Never In Season Simply A No-show</FONT> OLDSMOBILE Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment Oldmobile</FONT> PONTIAC Poor Old Ninny Thinks It's A Cadillac Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car FIREBIRD: Fast Irresistible Real Electrifying Bird Inexpensive Racing Dare-Devil Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned PORSCHE Plenty Of Receipts. Sorry, Can't Have Everything PLENTY OF REPAIRS SERVICE CAN'T HELP EVERYTHING Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything SAAB Some Ass Actually Boughtit! Styling Absent After Buyout Backwards >>>> Bad Asses Always Suffocate Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards Sad Attempt At Beauty Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown Sorry Assed American Buyers Start Adding Additional Brakefluid Stop Asking About Brakes! Sorry As A Bum SALEEN Some Aristocrats Love Every Expensive Novelty SATURN Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed Same American Trash Under Revised Name SUBARU Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas SUBARU backwards is: U R A BUS (You are a bus) Subaru: Souped Up Bad Ass Racing Unit Souped Up Blazingly Awesome Racing Unit TOYOTA Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto Totalled Only Yesterday, Officer Towed Away This One You Oughta Tow Away To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options VW Virtually Worthless Very Wonderful Very Weird Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise Volks Who?

pinch me.... I'm dreamin'.... no, no, no don't wake me up... I'm enjoying the moment.... LOL

Glad your here... this site will not only help with the daily running of your shop but also in how to cope with the ups and downs of the business. Feel free to comment, put your input in, or just stop by to say Hi, Howdy, How are ya... glad to have ya. Gonzo

Crazy, I think it's nuts....! ! If it isn't the customer not wanting to pay for a tough repair, it's the engineering, or the company that prints the schematics. There are so many different pitfalls everywhere you turn.... it's a wonder I don't keep safety lines attached to the roof beams to keep me from falling over everytime I get into one of these situations. Oh, I charge them, I give them the option before I start and if they say YES, I'm going to go for it.... .... .... yea I know, I'm still going to get an argument... "Why does it cost so much." It never ends.... I'd like to back charge the engineer

Is Change always a Good thing A body shop dropped off a 2005 Nissan Titan XE for a trailer light problem. It was hit in the rear and had folded the bumper under the body. This particular body shop I have known for years, and they pride themselves on doing a top notch repair on every vehicle that they are associated with. This truck was being a problem though. All the systems were working except for the trailer turn signal lights. To be thorough, they went back thru each and every part that they had replaced or disturbed. Nothing, not a thing… 2 days of checking it out led to a dead end. That’s where I came into the picture. As always, the first thing I want to see is the wiring diagram. You know, I’ve always said change is a good thing… this time, I should rephrase that to… it’s a good thing that “things change”… and I hope this does real soon, because, this was about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s not the first time I have ran across trailer lights going thru computer systems but it’s the first time I ran across only the trailer turn signals running thru the BCM (body control module) not the trailer park lights, not trailer brakes… nope, just the turn signals. Right there on the print… plain as day… R-trailer turn and L-trailer turn… oh please… what were you dudes thinking? (Referring to the engineers)…What was the reasoning behind this? I checked the rear wiring and all the circuits involved along the underside of the truck… all of which were in impeccable condition. I couldn’t help but stare at that BCM on the wiring diagram… I said to myself, “You mean to tell me I’m going to have to change an expensive BCM just for trailer lights… come on… guys?” (Engineers) The BCM is attached to brackets just above the gas pedal. Once I managed to get into position to see the BCM, I moved the wire harness out of the way to get a better look at it. All of which looked great. Another glance at the print showed that pin 51 and 52 were the trailer turn signal wires, one yellow/black and the other green/black. Using a test light I checked the leads output signal directly at the BCM connector… I was so glad to see the test light flashing with the turn signals… what a relief… at least it’s not the BCM… it’s wiring in between the BCM and the rear connector. Another long stare at the print with my head under the dash, all wedged in between the driver’s seat and my feet dangling out the door, one hand holding the wiring harness out of the way… flash light by my right ear, the test light and the wiring diagram all getting cramped in what little space that’s provided… but I still couldn’t see the problem. Since I already checked the wiring running into the truck and the signal was coming out of the BCM I had to be close… real close. I was starting to understand why the body shop spent two days looking for the problem and couldn’t find it. I knew what I had to do… start hand tracing the two leads again from start to finish… one-more-time. At this point anything would be better than spending another minute “sardined” in this truck. As I moved my arm out of the way and was about to slide out from under the dash I noticed right where I had my hand holding the harness out of the way were two small in line fuse holders… almost opaque in color right on the green/black and the yellow/black wires leading away from the BCM. AHA! THERE IT IS! Two in line 10 amp fuses to the trailer lights… Wowser!!! Fixed, done, works perfectly … the prints did not show any fuses in the circuits… it only showed the wiring leading from end to end. Unbelievable, no wonder the body shop couldn’t find the problem… I even missed it till I move my hand out of the way and knew the correct wire colors. It’s not the sort of thing I’d expect to find … factory fuse holders in-line with the BCM… but there they were, you can be guaranteed that I made a note about this one. I won’t forget next time. It doesn’t help that the prints were wrong, and it doesn’t help that the manufacturer ran the trailer turn signals leads thru the BCM… so I guess I can officially change my status from “change is a good thing” to “good thing it changes” now do me a favor there engineers… Change it!

If you get Brake and Frontend magazine... next months issue will have this story in print... let me know if you get your copy... if you don't get it... www.brakeandfrontend.com you can get on the mailing list there.

To funny, I had one many, many years ago... a guy comes in (could have been Sum Guy) for an oil change... pulled the car out and this fool was pissed because his valve stems front and rear no longer lined up with each other... he wanted me to turn the valve stems so that all 4 tires were at 12:00 .... what an idiot.... I laughed, and walked away...

That's what a typically call a "WALK AROUND" ... tha's when a customer takes his first good detail look at their ride. Not knowing whether it was like that before you worked on it is what brings on your (and mine) doubt whether it was done at the shop. I see people do this all the time, they come in for an oil change and when they go to leave they walk "around" the car checking for damage... No while in HELL don't ya do that before you bring your car in the shop PEOPLE! ! LOL If you notice a bodyshop will always do a walk around when taking a car in ... they deal with sort of thing all the time... repair shops on the other hand, tend to fix whats broke and go on... customers, well, they are not that trusting........ ya trusted me enough to make the repairs... but I guess I'm to stupid to notice some flecks on your drivers window.... ah yes, another day.... the Service Writer and he tried to take a razor blade, but the etchings are still there. What could do this? I haven't seen it yet. The only thing I can think of is we sublet it out for a rebuild transmission work. They may have had a bead blaster or welder, we do not. I have to see it 1st. If it was a welder, it should have done something to the door paint also. There is always a first for everything.

That be super Joe, thanx. Look for Pete Meirer of MotorAge magazine too, and of course Mitch Schnieder, Andrew Markel, and Mary Dallevalle from Brake and Front end magazine. There's more... but I know you have plenty to do without doing all my howdy's for me. Have a good time... take lots of photos... Gonzo

Since I can't be there... Say Hi for me Joe... If you find your way thru the maze of displays and sites look for "Autobody news" there one of the magazines I write for... stop by and tell them ya know me... Gonzo

Ok, here's the answers to your questions. GM's I use the factory machine... TECH 2... although from 05 and newer you'll need to get a subscription and download the software. Prior to 04 you only need a subscription/CD software for TIS 2000 --- 04 and older is on the disc and no need to log into GM to get the info for those cars. FORD's I use the J2534 cable (Mongoose Cable) my laptop and the software to load the Mongoose cable onto my laptop along with a subscription to Motorcraft. On the Import cars... you'll have to check on the website for their paticular cable, software, and liscence requirements. Any questions you have for ReFlashing can be answered on the respective websites. Although the cost of some of the required cables and software for the cables to download onto your laptop ... may surprise you... But it's the price of the game these days. Like I said in the article... "it's hard to justify the cost vs. the actual amount of vehicles that you will be servicing. Right now most dealerships are taking care of the flash programs for most of their cars. However, as these cars age the less likely they'll want to deal with them... and that's when the cost and the operating instructions will get better and better. One more note: This reflashing is easy... the hard part is understanding all their crazy methods... It's freakin' nuts the amount hoops ya gotta jump thru. Hope this helps... Gonzo

Yea, it happens to me Frank... but I'm going to tell all these "Loose Nuts" to head in your direction... But, you know I'll have another story about another nut next week... LOL

Me? A Flasher? Ok, ya got me… I’m a Flasher… or more to the point a Re-flasher. With today’s cars and components it’s not uncommon to have to flash some drivability controller or theft system. As an independent shop most of the re-flashing you can do will be for drivability situations or theft systems. Right now, the federal laws (Clean Air Act) only requires the manufacturer to give access to the “emission” related systems which means, an after-market scanner may only be able to provide you with part of a download vs. the entire download. Those “extras” are left to the manufacturer/dealership shops. Some of those extras could be HVAC, 4WD, wiper systems, just about any system deemed not necessary for drivability, however if a system is part of the PCM and it will effect drivability (ABS on most GM’s for instance) then it is shown as part of the downloadable software. However, if you can get a dealer level scanner and dealer level software… then it’s no problem. But, for the most part I’m not going to get into the reprogramming with a tech 2, WDS, or any other dealer level scanner, I’ll stick with the re-flashing that is available for the independent market that we will all have in our tool inventory sooner or later. J2534 The reason for re-flashing can be many, sometimes it’s an update to the transmission for better shift quality or to installing a new PCM. Each manufacturer has their own specific way of handling the procedure to obtain/process/and download the needed software. There are a lot of useable aftermarket scanners that can aide in the process and some are better than others. The one thing they all have in common is “J2534” which is the needed software/cable setup to perform re-flashing by an independent. One of the first things you’ll need to start the re-flashing is a subscription to that particular manufacturer’s website. Costs vary and the length of subscriptions will also vary. Here is a list of the websites that I use: GM – www.gmtechinfo.com Ford – www.motorcraft.com Chrysler – www.techauthority.com Honda – www.serviceexpress.honda.com Toyota – www.techinfo.toyota.com Nissan – www.nissan-techinfo.com These are the most common ones that I will use from time to time, if you don’t have these websites saved somewhere, you should…. Write these down and keep them handy. After you purchase the needed subscription there will be some information that you will need to obtain either from the car or from the website to start the process. Follow the information given on that particular manufacturer’s website. Toyota requires you to not only gain access to their website but also you will have to obtain a CD from them before you can do any re-flashing. So if you are planning on doing any re-flashing on a Toyota you’ll need to have the CD ahead of time. I can’t stress enough that you need to follow every word and follow every command while doing the re-flash… be careful… take your time. If you run into a questionable area check the home page of the website for any 800 numbers you can call and talk directly to someone. I’ve had to do that on many occasions… and there is no doubt that talking with someone can speed up the process when you’re stuck. On most of the import cars I’ve found that you will need to obtain the original controller ID from the module you are re-flashing before starting the re-flash. This can be obtained thru mode 9 of your scanner. These calibration numbers will indicate whether or not there is a re-flash even available or which is the latest calibration for that model. On some of the individual screens you may have followed all the information correctly and there is no “next” soft key to click on… the only soft key says “exit” don’t worry it’s not going to take you out of the program… it will only advance you to the next screen. Generally, the re-flash can take up to 30 minutes in some cases so give yourself plenty of time to complete the process without any major interruptions. Be sure to have the vehicles battery fully charged and or on a suitable charging unit for the duration of the re-flash. As of this day and age, I can’t say that re-flashing is all that profitable…. Yet…it’s necessary but it just doesn’t come around often enough to make the big investment for all the different makes and models out there. Personally, I think the PCM units are far superior to the first years of the computer age cars. But, I’m very confident that it will be profitable in the near future. As the computer driven car becomes older more and more re-flashing information will be released to the independent side of the industry. (Wish we had complete access now) There’s one common factor when it comes to software, obtainable scanners, and electronic information, it not only changes rapidly, it probably has already changed by the time this article is in print. So don’t be surprised if the information and data has changed by the time you take your first attempt at reprogramming… take it slow, read carefully, and follow all the directions. Remember it only seems difficult when you first try it… then it starts getting easier each and every time after that. Go for it… ! !

That was perfect Joe, I just finished an article for Brake and Frontend magazine that will probably be out in the next couple of months. I said basically the same thing. I'll post the story here for all to read... Read it and see what you think. Here's my take on what "the general public" and the magazine think of reflashing. "Reflashing will be big business in the near future... we should all prepare to be able to do these. " My only point, and I briefly went over it in the article is that I don't think "they" (the general public) understand that because of the Federal Clean Air Act we as the independent market only can program drivablility parameters. That's the law, and unless the manufacturer wants to be "nice" they don't have to tell us how to reprogram power seats or the like. I had to invest into dealer level scanners for the airbag and seats stuff for the GM's because I do so much for bodyshops and ... quite frankly bodyshops aren't fixing 8 to 10 year old cars... there all newer cars. One more interesting point, a few years ago I did my first Ford reflash. I used the J2534 "mongoose" cable and software. I had all the proper information, the proper software on my laptop, the proper laptop, the correct info etc... etc... etc.. it still took me all day to walk myself thru the whole process... only to find out that all I can do is the drivability stuff... it happened to be a 4WD vehicle... sorry charlie... that ain't part of the independent drivability package. All I could do was get it started and make it shift the tranny... it still had to go to the dealer for another reprogram... which, I don't know why, they couldn't do it either... they couldn't enter the info over top of what I downloaded... they had to replace the PCM with a blank one. The problem I see is that IF we do not get the right to repair act... THIS IS THE AREA WHERE WE ARE ALL GOING TO GET SCREWED IN !!! Enough said about that.

Corvette etched glass A mid 90’s Corvette with a couple of problems to take care of came in the shop some time ago. The first problem was an intermittent start and the other problem was the suspension warning light stayed on all the time. The first problem had been looked at many times by a dealer in Florida where the owner had a second home and where he stored the car for those times he would be there. The car sat around a lot and the owner was getting very upset that it wouldn’t start when he would show up at his vacation place to drive his car around. Apparently not much was solved but like most other electrical problems if it’s intermittent and you can’t duplicate, read a history code or at least see the problem… most anything you do is just a guess. The lucky guy to actually see the problem looks like the genius and in the customers mind all others that have tried have reached some level of stupidity… or worse. Someone tried a new starter, another battery, a little of this and some of that. None of which fixed the problem. Luckily for me, the Vette went through its death rolls right there in the shop for me. It turned out that the thin wires that make up the security system which are attached to the ignition switch tumbler had broken. As you turn the ignition switch the wires must twist with the switch and like anything else that moves, it will wear out. --- it did… Replaced the unit and all is well. The second problem required a little more effort and a whole lot of waiting. The driver side shock had gone bad. On top of the shock is a electronic sensor that had broken its little gear and the shock had “locked-up” which is probably why the sensor failed. But, the only place that still had parts for it was in Florida. Imagine that… drive the car halfway across the country to Oklahoma, to my shop and find out the only replacement parts are right where you were to start with… go figure. It was about a week or more before the replacement parts showed up. The car was finished and sent home with the owner. All parties are paid up, car is starting with no problem, and the suspension is working as it should… what could be wrong. A few days later the phone rang, my daughter Mandy, was working the office that day, she took the call, “Yes, huh, uh, I remember the car…. really? I wonder how that happened….. Are you sure about that…. Hmmm, well I’ll check with the shop and see what they say…. I can’t think of any way that could happen… ok, I’ll call you back when I know something, thanks for letting me know, Good-bye” I was standing nearby a little puzzled as to who was on the phone or for that matter what the call was about. Mandy turned to me, “Dad, you’re not going to believe this. That Vette you just finished the other day…. The guys’ wife insists that there is human hand print in the windshield…and I don’t mean on the windshield… she says it’s permanently “etched” into the glass.” “You’re kidding”, I answered. “Nope, she’s dead serious. She even told me that she took the car to a glass shop and they couldn’t get it out. They tried all kinds of chemical cleaners and its there as plain as day,” Mandy went on to tell me. “Oh come on, this is ridiculous…. How in the world would I have done that? Anything that would carve a hand in a windshield would have carved whosever hand that did it… I think I would have known about that, because let me guess, it’s my hand print right? …. And if I could leave a permanent “etched” imprint in the windshield how come I haven’t left a mark on myself,” I said in a fit of confusing reactions. “Have her bring the car back and let me take a look at it,” I told Mandy. “Ok, but I don’t think that’s going to happen, they’re pretty upset with you.” Upset or not, to me there is only one way to resolve things like this. “Bring the car back to the shop that has done the work so they can see what’s going on, or I’m coming up to see it.” But, do you think that happened… nooooo. Not a chance. A few weeks later I ran into the husband at a meeting I was attending. It’s a meeting of some of the top businesses in town, not only are they some of the largest but mostly they are some of the best. I wouldn’t think there was anybody in this room that would have any misunderstandings about any service work done for them since we all are basically in private business and deal with people, parts and things like this each and every day. I asked him why he didn’t bring the car back to me to have it looked at. There again, I was surprised at the answer. “You obviously have no idea of the concern that my wife is having over this issue. The trauma caused her to go to a rehab in Denver for a nervous condition. I had to take the car into a glass shop and have the windshield replaced with a new one. That finally made things right with my wife. So I don’t think I’ll be bringing anymore work to you. She’s still very upset but, she is on medication for it now.” In all my years of working with the general public, nothing surprises me anymore. You think you’ve seen it all then some cracked pot, off the wall lady like this comes along. I’m not the type of person who wants to think that I’ve done something wrong and caused someone to have to go to rehab… but then I’m thinking… You’ve got the time and money to go to rehab over a friggin’ windshield… boy you’ve got a real problem lady… and it ain’t windshield. I believe that people and their emotional states can be the hardest automotive diagnostics you’ll ever run across. If you could leave the person out of the equation things would go a lot smoother at the repair shop. You know, there’s one thing I can say about cars that I can’t say about their owners. Cars are never crazy, wacky, or just plain nuts in the need of counseling…. They’re just a car. People on the other hand… well I’d like to leave this story with a professional opinion of them but, I’m no shrink… I’m only the mechanic. I’ll leave the emotional evaluations to a doctor.