Gonzo

Good one Joe, and of course, they head out to the parking lot, get in the car, and tell their buddy, "That guy is an idiot!" You know, if they didn't spend so much time going around in circles they might not be so dizzy. Thanx for the comments Joe, I got a feeling this article is going to go to print. It's a good subject line. Makes us all think about those know it alls and the different kinds there are. Thanx again. (I would have done the same thing, but probably not as nice as you did... ROFL)

save a cold one for me... It's hot here... I could use one right about now... ROFL :)

tie the car to a tree, board up the windows, and hold on... Cause here it Comes! It's hot and sunny here... not a thing going on. I think I'll stay right here for awhile. Hope everybody makes it thru A-OK! gonz

ROFL, you are SO right Frank... I never said they were profitable... I only said they keep coming around. LOL There good for a few bucks as long as one of the "Know-it-Alls" doesn't decide he can do it better than me. That happens a lot. Usually after I find out what the actual problem is and then they get smart and tell me "Oh, yea, that's what I thought it was... I'll take care of that myself.." Really, you just got some wisdom??? I guess I'll never know it all....

Know It Alls Now I'm not some "Know-it-all". I hardly remember birthdays, let alone some things I probably should remember about cars. It's no wonder I spend what little free time I have reviewing new information, videos, manuals, and websites. I spend a lot of time learning what I can about all the new systems and diagnostics methods. I try to retain as much as I can, and at the same time try to keep the older car information from slipping into that black hole of lost and forgotten car information. Now, there are some folks who come to the shop or call me on the phone, who seem to expect me to be able to rattle off all kinds of far off reaching information about a certain system on their car. Some of it I might be able to answer, but a lot of times I've got to go check the information out before giving an answer. Some people use their "Know-it-all" knowledge as some sort of test to see how much I know. They'll rattle off some sort of important change on a 3.8 V6 for a certain year, and expect me to know it in detail. Seriously people, I couldn't care less about stuff like that. If those "so-called" facts were important in the process of repairing or diagnosing, I might be concerned, but most of their "lingo" is superficial stuff that isn't going to change the way I'm going to diagnose their car problem. Then again, I may find out later their little superficial information is important, and I end up looking stupid… I guess that takes care of the test results doesn't it. As it is, the vehicle changes are so rapid these days it's harder and harder to keep up with the changes just from memory. I can't possibly remember them all. I'll know what I need to know, and keep the rest close at hand, so that I can go back to it and study it a little more carefully. When "Mr. Know-it-all" comes up to the front counter and starts spouting off all kinds of technical jargon, I just stand there waiting for him to finish is dissertation. Then ask him, "So why are you here? You seem to have all the technical wizardry at hand. What would you like me to do?" Most of the time it's all talk… because I usually end up repairing whatever it was that brought them into the shop. I guess, some people just want to show their knowledge to the technician. I can't imagine someone going into a dentist office and telling the dentist the month and year that cavity filling was changed to some sort of new modern filler, or what year the new style dental drill was introduced… but they will at the repair shop, and how! Then there is what I call the "Professional Know-it-all" --- The car clubs. I really get a kick out these car club members that come in from time to time. Usually when one of these guys or gals has a good feeling about a shop they'll tell the rest of the group, and for the next couple of months or so I'll work on a lot of their rides. Lately it's been the Corvair club; a few months ago it was the Triumph club. They come and they go, they'll stop back by once in awhile, and then they drift off for a few months. They'll usually show up again right around car show season time. Now these folks are hilarious. They can tell you about every single nut and bolt and modifications ever done to their car from its birth to the day the final car rolled off the assembly line. I'll bet some of them can even tell you what time of the day a certain part was installed at the factory. I guess it makes great conversation, while sitting in a folding lawn chair out in the hot sun of the mall parking lot for a car show. These folks loved to talk about their cars. I've found out (from experience) if you even smile, or look interested…ya better pull up one of those lawn chairs… you're going to need it, because you're going to hear all about it. I've even seen them sit there talking with the other "know-it-alls" while trying to one up each other with their knowledge and facts about their rides. Oh, I can't leave myself out of that category, at times. I'm guilty of it too. You didn't think after nearly 3 decades of repairing cars that I don't have a storeroom full of useless facts in my old brain bucket? Believe me, I'll wear that lawn chair out telling my stories. I really enjoy the club guys and dolls myself. These folks have quite a respect for their beloved rides. Most of them appreciate good workmanship, and take pride in knowing the right places to take their cars. The nice thing about these folks is you can just about guarantee their information is correct. They "Know-it-all", and if I'm having a problem with a car they'll jump right in with all the facts and figures, wire diagrams, repair manuals or even spare parts for me to finish the job. It makes my job a lot easier that's for sure. So in some respects the different types of "Know-it-alls" does make a difference when it comes to repairing cars. Some people might call the mechanic the "Know-it-all", some people might think they are the "Know-it-all". It really doesn't matter to me. I'm still the guy who fixes their car. I don't need to know it all… But, I'll leave them thinking that I do. Either way, I'll get the car fixed. All I know is what I know… it may not be it all…but it's enough to get the job done. You know, sometimes you never know what you may run across in this business. All I know is what I know... I guess some people have to grow up a bit before they learn to not try to impress somebody with their knowledge. I'm sure we've all seen them. I'll just write about them... that's what I do. Hope you enjoy reading these stories. I never know which ones will make it into my column, that's up to the editors. But, I can tell them how many people have read it here at ASO, that sometimes makes a difference in which story goes out into publication. Leave a comment, let me know. You know it "all" ... makes a difference. Gonzo View full article

Roy would have said, "Ya gotta park under the right tree to get hit with an apple."

ROFL... no doubt this story will never get published... but it sure is funny. I've had this sitting around for a long time... it's not "magazine" material but for ASO... hey, it's a down right funny read. Thanx for the comments (Now wouldn't it be hillarious if one of my magazines picked it up... LOL)

Royism Roy was a long time employee who always had the strangest way of looking at things. Roy is a great guy, a little rough around the edges but a great guy none the less. On the other hand, if there was a job in the shop that needed that mechanical touch, he was the first one to take on the challenge. If it was quitting time, or the shop slowed, he was the first one out the door. It was never a dull moment when he was around. You just never knew what he is going to say next. Sometimes it sounded like an old sailor who'd been on ship too long, other times he would go into song. You just never knew what was going to spring forth. For the most part, it didn't matter who was around, he was going to tell his version of his story with his usual flare. Of course, you had to sort through his vocabulary to get to the meaning of his latest yarns, but I found them rather entertaining and rather amusing at times. For Roy, four letter words were adjectives, or sometimes verbs. I tend to forgive him for all that; I'm guilty of it too at times. I just don't have his colorful anecdotes. I started to collect these anecdotes and off color sayings. I called them "Royisms". Roy had a way of coming up with one for just about any situation or any subject you can think of. Here's a few of them. Oh, there's more, but I'd don't think the "adjectives" can be cut out of them and still be able to say it the way he does…. Roy, is truly a one of a kind. Here are a few of my favorite "Royism's" that I can share, and believe me; it took some work to clean them up! I'll give the definition first….then Roy's anecdote. Here goes: If you needed to be extra careful while doing something; Roy - "Like a toad walking" (I guess if a toad is walking, he's being careful…) How to describe to someone who's flat broke, (usually Roy would say this about himself); Roy - "So broke, I could fart in my pocket and still not leave a scent." (I love this one…) Bolts, nuts, or anything that are stuck or hard to move; Roy - "Tighter than Dick's hat band" (Dick's hat band? How did it get so tight?) Something is about to fall apart, or something that's very loose; Roy - "Like Maggie Mootie's pooty" (your guess as to what a pooty is) Something that is hard to find; Roy - "It's like looking for hen's teeth" (hmm, can't say as I've ever found any hen's teeth myself…) When you really don't care about something; Roy - "I couldn't give a rat's ass" (I'd like to know, how is it that you obtained a rats butt. Where did ya get it, and why in the world would you even have one to give away. The big question is; what will that rat do if you gave away his backside? … I just don't get it. There's an answer here… but I'm not sure now what the question was.) Some absolutely useless item; Roy - "Like a snow plow in summer" (Ok, a snow plow… it's not used much in the summer, I got it… So… what's useless in the winter time?) When something is not really needed right away, but you would like to keep it handy and easily attainable; Roy - "Park it in the north 40" (Only my Grandpa would park something in the north 40, but that was usually something he wasn't ever going to use anymore. Sometimes I wonder if Grandma wanted to put Grandpa out in the north 40.) After he learned something new about a car, or saw something that didn't need any more explaining; Roy - "Don't do any good to blink, seen enough the first time." (He's done, don't explain it again. It's not worth the effort.) When asked about beer (his favorite subject); Roy -"You should never drink and drive… … … … ya might spill some." (I'm sure Roy could put a few away on the weekend.) Quitting time equaled; Roy - "Beer thirty" (Too obvious…) When he was sick, and not coming into work that day, he would call and tell me; Roy - "I feel like Hammered sh$t!" (Now I'm asking a simple question here, how… um… did ya … um … figured out what hammered sh$t felt like? Hopefully not by example…) Explaining an oil change to the new intern; Roy- "An oil change is just like using the "john", it ain't over till the paper work is done." Yep, that's Roy… quite a character. Like I said, there are hundreds more… but I won't go there. I'm sure a lot of us know a Roy, and I'm sure if you're like me, you've had to sort through their tales of tales. Amongst all the vernacular of phrases there's a heart of gold. Even with his choice of comments he still was a good hand and truly a good friend. He doesn't work at my shop anymore, he moved back to his home town some time ago. He stops by now and then just to check up on me, and even then he'll spout out another phrase or two while he's here. Everybody should know a "Roy" at least once in their lifetime. He's a different sort of character… one you'll never forget. While putting together a story for this weekend I was going thru my various lists of ideas. I kept going back to this one that I started several years ago. I thought it was something everyone else would get a kick out of reading it. Let me know, I always love to hear from everyone. Gonzo View full article

too funny... good one Frank

Oklahoma dropped their state inspection about 8 or 9 years ago. The fall out from not having it is very apparent. I hired one guy in to do only inspections, and small "C" mechanic jobs. He lost his job when the inspections were gone. Aside from that, it was a great advertisment for the shop. A lot of people would never show up at a shop unless it was for the inspection. Those folks found out what we do, some would feel comfortable with our style and became regular customers. These days there's no reason to stop...potential customers ... just keep on driving by. The lack of inspections is a serious matter. Letting it up to the consumer to decide only means they'll decide not to spend a buck. I believe when it comes to the world at large, you...me...and any other person on the public highways need some sort of way to insure the other driver isn't driving a death trap that could eventually harm myself or my passengers. Not that I want the government or local branches involved into our personal lives... this is one thing that shouldn't be personal. Why else do we have the FDA to insure our food products won't harm us, becasue if it was left up to the individual I believe more harm would come to more people. That harm is what an automotive inspection would avoid (or at least lower the possiblity of) My thinking is that it shouldn't be a state inspection, but a national inspection. People cross state lines everyday, but nobody seems to be concerned that an out of state cars inspection is out of date if they are in a state that doesn't have any inspection. Just seems pretty silly to me not to have a regulated inspection. Seems pretty stupid to let a consumer who knows nothing about their car except where to put the gas be in charge of making decisions on the well being of their car. Inspections not only could create more jobs but also create more traffic flow in a repair shop. I can't see anything wrong with the process.... as long as money isn't involved and we're talking about the safety issues.... enough said. I can replace a car... I can't replace a human life.

Sometimes makes ya wonder... why ya even bother to tell someone NOT to buy a paticular car. I've had the same thing happen to me. Honestly, I think they believe you "could" be wrong. That it's not going to take as much to fix, or some family/church/or neighbor has had different results than you've experienced over the years. It's as if any expertise you thought you had in this business equals one big fat "ZERO" when the customer is influenced from other sources. I wish them luck... they're going to need it.

I'm a firm believer when it comes to work in my shop... I call the shots, and Joe, I totally agree with ya. Many years ago I had another repair shop bring me a job they had been working on. This tire shop was working on the motor for some reason. In the process they managed to blow the guys motor up. (Probably old anyway and shouldn't have been screwing around with it.) However, they didn't know it was blown... so they towed it to me. When I told them it was a bad motor they called their insurance company. The insurance company worked thru the tire shop and in a few days an out of state salvage yard truck pulls up and drops a motor in the parking lot. I went ballistic. It didn't do any good. All I was told is put it in. "OK," I said, "But it's on you if this POS doesn't run right!" It didn't.... ran like crap. Injectors bad, leaking intake... on and on... Now, mind you I'm only installing this turd they brought me... not fixing their crap. The next thing I know I get a call from this insurance Ahole... and he reads me the riot act. I told him where he could shove his POS engine and his stupid policy... because I didn't want to do the job anyway. A day or so later a tow company from out of state towed the thing off. Never seen it again. Good thing too... I wasn't going to do another job like that ever again. Just my thoughts on the whole thing. Ok Joe... we're even... now you GOT ME RILED UP ! ! ! LOL

Diamond in the Rough I seem to run across the same type of people over and over again who think the great deal they got on this used pile of junk is the best thing since sliced bread? It doesn't matter what year the car is, or what kind of car it is… if the deal sounds too sweet it is probably going to sour your pocketbook. It's not hard to spot these individuals in a crowd. They're usually beaming with pride, and even prouder to tell you what they just paid for the latest conquest. I find it rather comical in a way to see how they are so eager to tell me all about their "high value-low cost" wonder of the auto world. There have been several of them over the years, more than I can even remember; some have been bought without having been looked at all, or the price was so good the new owner didn't seem to care what was really wrong with it. I've had expensive cars to cheap runabouts dragged, pushed, and shoved into my service bays over the years, only to find out the real issue with these gems is something so serious that the car should have been sent to the salvage yard in the first place. One time it was a little Honda that a new proud owner brought in to me. The car was really clean, well kept and looked like it had a lot of new body parts added along with a fresh paint job. (He bought it at an insurance auction, by the way.) The only complaint was a thump when you would take off from a dead stop and a constant rubbing noise coming from the engine. The new owner was told it only needed a new motor mount. I wish they would have checked with me before they bought it but, you know… it was "such a good deal" why bother with having it checked out. The new owner put it to me this way, "I can't go wrong for the price I paid for it." Hmmm, I don't think his good deal would cover a broken engine block right where the front motor mount bolts onto the engine. Awe, too bad… another diamond turns into coal. Then there was the guy who bought a 4 year old Cadillac out of state-never seen it, and drove all the way there and back. The previous owner said he wired the coolant fans so they would stay on all the time, and that it wouldn't take much to repair it if he knew a good electrical repair shop. He came straight to my shop, and was I in for a surprise! It wasn't only the fans that were wired up direct, but practically everything under the hood. The engine compartment had been on fire, and the entire engine harness and lighting harness was wired with one color wire…. black. Every splice was taped together without any solder or protection. How this guy made it as far as he did was a miracle. Needless to say, the repair was going to be more than the guy wanted to spend on it, so he decided to sell it to the next gemologist that came along. Then, just this past week, I had a real gold digger make his way to my shop. Not only was this jacked up Dodge diesel pickup a banged up brute, but the guy took it to a transmission shop to have a new transmission installed… AND… he hadn't even bought it from the previous owner yet! So here's a guy buying parts for a vehicle he doesn't even own. Unbelievable… Oh, but it gets better… the transmission wasn't the only thing that was shot. The reason it was shot is because it's stuck in limp home, and the previous owner just kept hammering the pedal to the floor. That big Cummins engine just tore the transmission up. My job was to find out why it was in limp mode. Not only was it in limp, but there wasn't any communication to the PCM. One look at the harness told the story. This truck was a 98 model and had seen better days a long time ago. Looked to me as if somebody thought they could get real creative with the wiring, and had more spliced in goodies everywhere I looked than I've ever seen on any other vehicle before. Well, so much for this repair job. You know this is going to be more expensive than this guy wants to spend. Now what does the fella do? He doesn't own the rig, but he's put all his money into the transmission and has nothing left to finish the job… and… he still has to pay for the actual truck. I guess it's time to head back to the diamond mine and look for some more sparkly gems. After all these years, I can't imagine looking at something as expensive as a vehicle, a house, or other big ticket item that I know nothing about, without consulting an expert. There's no diamonds in the rough, people! Oh there's the occasionally "little old lady left me this car stories" but for the most part… cheap deals are not cheap, especially when it comes to cars. There are so many moving parts and problems to be considered, you just can't use your wallet as the deciding factor whether or not it's a good deal. Use some common sense, and don't just buy it because the price is so good. My shop offers a "Pre-Buy" check up just as many other shops do. I'd take advantage of it; it's well spent money on a used vehicle, and not a wasted effort on your part. Look at it this way, the only thing you're out is the cost of the "Pre-Buy" you're not stuck with a diamond in the rough that is more than likely just another piece of "fools gold". When a customer comes in and tells me they are looking at a new ride, I offer to do a "Pre-Buy" checkup on for them. If they refuse, because they don't want to spend the money with me to have it checked out, I just smile, and tell them… "Good luck fella. You're going to need it. I'd bring your diggin' tools… 'cause I can almost guarantee that this diamond in the rough is going to have you digging one deep hole in your pocket." I tell the stories about our daily lives in the automotive industry. You like them, let me know. As well as being a shop owner I'm also a monthly columnist for several trade magazines. Your input helps me decide which stories I send off to the editors. So in a way, everyone here at ASO gets to decide which stories go into print. So here's your chance...leave a comment... I really appreciate it. (In fact if you follow my column you get to see how much the editors change the stories from what I started with and what actually goes into print.) Gonzo View full article

I don't even want to guess how much I've spent over the years on equipment, scanners, info..etc... My account might be able to tell me the value of all of it... but I sure don't have a clue. I'll make a bet with ya... it's probably a lot more than this guy invested in that friggin book...

LOL... There's not much else can make me smile as to read your posts Joe. Somehow I find a way to get you riled up... LOL AND YES!!!! When they have to leave that F'n book on the passenger seat opened and marked to the page for me it REALLY REALLY pisses me OFF. I generaly toss the thing into the back seat. Your right when you said, "Bring books and downloaded pages to their doctor." I can't imagine anyone ever doing that. But they sure as hell do it at the repair shop. What gives with people that can't remember they brought their car to a professional.?!?!? Treat me like one, and watch what ya get. This type of guy I was referring to in the article is a typical type of DIY'r that was way out of his prime. He probably should have quit working on them years ago. As I've said before, I'm here to fix cars... not teach the public... you wanna learn how to fix cars... go back to school. I'm not your teacher... Thanx Joe... always a pleasure to read your comments.

Once, Twice, Three Times Have you ever noticed when explaining something to a customer who doesn't like your answer, you end up explaining things at least 3 times? Why is that? After all these years I still haven't figured it out completely. I feel like I'm talking to my kids when they were younger. My kids would argue over the silliest things. Mainly, because they thought they were right, even though they never had a clue what they truly were arguing about. I could explain things in several different ways, and they'll ask their questions in several different ways. None of it ever worked. Because, it didn't matter how they ask their questions, the answers always came out the same. Take for example this "not so interested in spending a dime with me customer" that came in. Seems he had a problem with one of his grandson's cars, and Grandpa was one of those guys who kept the kin folks cars up and running. He wasn't about to bend and let somebody else fix one of the family's personal rides… that was his job. But he was stuck on this one, he didn't have an answer to the problem it was having. He carefully explained to me that the wiper motor was running but the blades weren't moving. But rather than asking me what I thought was wrong with the wipers he asked a direct question to which I was to give him a direct answer. "Is there a shear pin on these wiper linkage arms?" Now I know there isn't one, they haven't used a shear pin in years. I haven't seen one used in a decade or so. This guy was so sure of himself there was no need in asking me anything in regards to what was wrong with the wipers, he understood how they worked he just wanted his question answered. His question was so direct and said in such a "direct" way… I gave him his direct answer. "No sir, there is no shear pin in this wiper system." I find it very interesting how people will explain a system in such detail, and then almost get to the point of solving the problem without even realizing it. Some people will get stuck on one issue they are "certain" IS the problem, and will not budge off of that topic. "Well, there must be…. because the blades are not moving." "I could get it in the shop and diagnose it for you." This isn't the line of questioning he wanted any part of. He wanted free answers. Oh I'll give him answers, but only to the questions that he specifically asks. The solution was a simple one… let me diagnose it…, but he didn't want that at all, he wanted his question answered. I guess I could have told him what was actually wrong with it, but why? Why am I unlocking the door to the shop every morning? Why am I standing here with grease under my fingernails a couple of scanners and dollar after dollar wrapped up in diagnostic information? Oh, that's right… I'm an auto mechanic; I fix cars for a living. You know, I'll bet this guy gets up in the morning and goes to work too. But for some reason some people don't make the connection between paycheck and the automotive mechanic. I've even been told that I make more than they do, and that isn't right. Really? So my choice of professions should be offset with your choice of income? Let's not go there people… I guess they never heard of overhead costs, equipment costs, payrolls, etc… etc… etc…. Each time this fella would ask about the linkage, the wiper motor, or the blades he eventually would come back to the shear pin again. Around and around it went. I wasn't budging or offering any free advice and neither was he. I finally told the guy, "Look, I'm not looking at your car for free, and I don't feel it's my place to tell you how to fix it… this is what I do for a living you know." "Oh, I understand, I wouldn't ask you to do it for nothing… but what do you think, replacing the shear pin would fix it right?" Do I need to write this down for this guy? I know I'm past the 3rd time of telling him… there is no shear pin, and NO, I don't think he understands that I charge to fix cars. I can't get it through this knuckle head's skull. I'll fix the darn thing in the parking lot with one turn of a wrench, if this guy would stop trying to insult my profession by asking me to tell him how to make the repairs vs. my getting paid to do the same. I guess he finally realized I wasn't going to solve his shear pin problem with a conversation in the front office. Out the door and down the road he went. A few days later he was back, book in hand with the pages marked. "There's no shear pin in this wiper linkage. But I still don't see the problem," he tells me, "Can you fix it? I brought the book for you, I even marked the pages." "I'll write it up and have it done in just a bit. You can wait in the lobby for it." He agreed, and I went straight to work. It took me longer to fill out the invoice than it did to tighten the nut on the wiper arms. I marked the page that showed the nut and how it held down the wiper arms for him. Hopefully, he'll understand the repair now. Oh don't worry, I "did" charge him for my time, not much mind you… I wanted to prove to this guy that it takes more than a book to fix a car these days. (Even though this didn't take a whole lot of brain power to solve this simple wiper problem.) Every now and then this old timer will come back to the shop. He does the same thing over and over each time. He'll try to solve the problem with his own logic, and then get frustrated with me because I won't tell him how he can fix it at home. A few days go by; he'll cool off and leave me the car. You'd think once, twice, maybe three times of my telling him, he'd get the idea… but no…………………………………….. He'll keep repeating the whole process… over and over again. As always these stories are here for your enjoyment and before final editing. Your comments are a part of the process to tell which stories make it to the editors desk. It's your comments that help decide which stories actually get into my columns across the country. Take a moment, leave a comment... it always helps. View full article