Gonzo

Good one Joe... it's the same everywhere... people are crazy

Detective On Duty It's pouring down, the tow driver is dropping off a car alongside the shop. Carrying the keys into the office, he's drenched from head to toe. "Here ya go, have fun with this one." I knew nothing about the car, and the tow driver only had a last name and nothing more. What to do now? I guess the only thing to do is to see if the tow company had a phone number to go along with the name. I tried the phone number several times, but never got an answer. Since I didn't have anything else to go on, and I had plenty of other work to do in the shop, I decided to let it sit outside in the rain until I heard from the owner. Several days went by, the rain had stopped and still no phone call. I tried the number again but this time the number was no longer in service. It was an 89 Ford Ranger, looked pretty nice, clean… good tires, no broken glass. Seemed like a nice little truck not to have someone concerned about it. The shop was pretty much caught up that afternoon, so I thought I'd take the keys out to the little truck and see what was going on. Since I hadn't even bothered to check the truck out beforehand, I figured it can't hurt to see if there was anything in the glove box, maybe an insurance card or something that might have a name on it. The truck was spotless, there wasn't anything in the glovebox except for the owner's manual. No name, no insurance card, not even a scrap of paper anywhere in it. While I'm here I might as well open the hood and check things out. Was I in for a surprise, no wonder the tow driver told me "Have fun with this one." Under the hood was not a 1989 2.3 liter… more like about a 95 2.3 liter engine. (Pretty much the same engine but entirely different electrical systems.) All the electrical harnesses didn't match. Now, I need to make another phone call. I called the tow company that dropped it off to ask them where they picked it up from and see if I could track the owner down that way. They knew exactly where it came from. It was from a salvage yard. Ok, time for another phone call. "Oh that truck, yeah I remember that one," the guy front the salvage yard told me, "The fella who owns it dropped it off for us to put an engine in that he bought from us. We told him we didn't think it was going to work, even though the original engine was the same size." However, they didn't have much more information on the owner than what I already had. But, they said they would keep an eye out for the guy if he showed up again. So here's this little truck sitting out in my parking lot, with the wrong year motor in it and no owner. Now I need to do some more phone work. This time I decided to use the VIN and the license plate number to find something out. A few more phone calls thru the DMV and I had a name of a guy at an insurance agency. Seems the car was a theft recovery that was picked up by the insurance company. The original motor was blown after a long high speed chase by the police. The owner was arrested on drug charges and the car was confiscated (as is their usual policy). The car then was sold at an insurance auction, after the insurance company obtained it back from the police department. Another phone call led me to the auction house where (after a lot of searching) they came up with the used car lot that purchased the truck. Now I've got to call these guys… geez… this is getting to be a long affair. After talking to them and more research they finally had a first name to go with the last name that I already had and a different phone number. I gave the number a try. It rang and rang I was getting worried that all this phone work was going to end up as another dead end. Then a voice came on the phone. "Hey, a, yea … Hello?" "Hi ya doin' is your name Jake? Do you own a Ford Ranger that had a motor put into it over at a salvage yard?" "Ah… yeah, Ah, wow, like dude… that's my truck, who's this?" I gave him all my information and explained to him how I tracked him down. He didn't seem too impressed, (I thought I did an OUTSTANDING job of tracking this guy down!), but said he was on his way down to see what I've done to his truck. The sad part about it… I haven't done a thing other than poking my head under the hood. When "Jake" finally showed up at the shop, I told him what would have to be done to get the truck running. He was under the impression that you just hook up a couple of wires and it would take off and run like new. Not quite the case there Jake, my friend. It's going to take a little more than a few wires; more like quite a few wires as a matter of fact. I gave him the options on what could be done with what he had to work with. The big issue was now the cost… (Of course $$) and young Jake didn't have a dime to spend on it. He was out of a job, and didn't have any way of paying for repairs. Luckily, the tow bill was paid by the salvage yard (I think they just wanted it out of there) Jake had to go home and think about it. Well, I know what "think about it" really means… it means "I can't afford it, so I'll have to think of some other way of taking care of it." A weekend went by and Monday morning the car was still sitting in the lot. By that afternoon a guy came by snooping around the little Ranger. I went out to greet the guy. He said he was going to buy the truck, and asked me what was wrong with it. I wasn't surprised when he also didn't understand what it was going to take to get it going. Later that day Jake called and told me he was selling the truck. What could I say, "OK?" or "Hey dude… I just played "Private Eye" to track you down. At least have the courtesy to ask the age old question, "Do I owe you anything?" So I can at least say; "Nay, no problem, that's OK thanks for asking… hope you get on your feet soon." But no, all he said was; "I think he'll pick it up sometime this week." Click… Another week went by and no one has come by to look at the truck. I've done all that I can… I've pretty much given up on the truck and the owner. The next Monday morning when I came into the shop the truck was gone. Not that I was surprised, but I did call Jake and this time I got his answering machine. "Ah, like, ah… I ain't here… leave a message." BEEP "Hey, Jake, your truck is gone. I guess your buddy came by and picked it up, come down sometime, and I'll give you the keys." All the effort I put into finding this guy, all the time I spent writing down phone numbers, contacting people, gathering information and compiling the history on this truck, and all I have to show for it is a set of keys. I guess I'm not the mechanic on duty … I'm the detective on duty. That was nearly a year ago and I still have the keys. I guess Jake's buddy doesn't need the keys either. Maybe someday I'll put an ad in the paper in the lost and found section: "Lost Ford Ranger… used to belong to Jake… If you found it… I've got the keys." Working with people can be a joy, or can be a nightmare. I write about all of them because I found out a long time ago I'm not the only one out there that experiences these wild and wacky people. I appreciate your comments and thoughts. Leave a note and let me know what you think of the story or tell me about your similar story. Always love to here from ya. View full article

GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY EVERYONE. THANKSGIVING IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YlY_zxgnMAg

that's pretty cool... what a car...what a lady

I toss the manuals in the back seat... and the ones that want to show me the page I just laugh at them. I guess they figure I must be a complete idiot. Why else would I be fixing cars for a living? I guess I'm too stupid to know what I'm doing and they've got to help me out. My under-my-breath comment to them, "Hey, dipstick... you're the one that needs help... you've got the book and STILL don't have a clue what to do...! ! " I guess that's why I write about the things people do... it's common all over the country-----------Stupidity that is. LOL Thanx for the comments guys.

LeftHanded Socket Understand what you're doing, before you understand you don't know what you're doing. I’m sure a lot of us know a guy who thinks he’s a mechanic, who talkslike he knows what he’s doing, can rattle off obscure facts and figures aboutlong ago car information that has no relevance to today’s cars… but sure soundsimpressive. Some of the stuff I thinkthey make it up, or they put some facts and fiction together and come up withtheir own conclusions. I’ve got one of those types of guys; he comesby my shop from time to time. He’s harmless so to speak, hardly ever spends adime with me, but he’ll stop by to ask a question or two. Sometimes it’s just to borrow a tool. Of course, his way of asking a questioninvolves telling me something about the auto industry that really has nogeneral purpose other than to fill his head up with a bunch of useless facts.But, he feels it is important enough of a useless fact that I should know aboutit. Never fails, he shows up forsomething and before he leaves he will enlighten me with his latest automotivewords of wisdom. I guess it’s his way ofkeeping his title as the “All knowing of useless facts and fiction of the autoworld”. “Youknow what year the first truck came out with a driveshaft?” “No, I don’t,” I answered. (Does it matter right now? Today or any otherday whether or not I know what year the first truck came out with adriveshaft? I can’t recall anyone everasking me that question, but just in case it does come up I might as well findout.) “When did the first truck come out witha driveshaft?” “1914,” he said, “Yep… before that theywere all chain driven. That’s a fact.” Super, now I know what year, was thefirst year, of a driveshaft driven truck. Ya never know, I might be working on acrossword puzzle later today and that exact question might be on there. It’s a good thing he mentioned it… why, Imight have spent hours searching for the answer. I should tell him “Thanx”… but just to be onthe safe side, I’ll wait ‘til after I’ve checked the crossword puzzle myself. The other day he stopped by and told me he was working on the brakes ofhis sons GM truck. One of the longcaliper bolts was stuck. “Ya got one of those “cheater”bars?” “I do, but I think it would be wiser tospray some bolt release spray on it, something that would break the rust free.” “Sure, sure, where’s your bar?” I handed him a piece of pipe largeenough to get around the ratchet or wrench, or whatever it is he was using. He headed out of the shop and went back towork on the caliper. I thought I was done with him when hesuddenly appeared over my shoulder while I was working under the hood of a car. “Ya got a drill bit that’s big enough todrill out that hex head?” I had to ask, “Did you strip it out?” “Oh they make those things out of suchsoft material, you know.” “Right,” Isaid sarcastically. “You know they came out with those left handed sockets a long time ago,”he tells me, “I’ve got a few of them still in my toolbox. I was trying to takethis bolt out with one of them, shouldn’t ever use one of those except on lefthanded bolts and nuts.” This is one of those times that I’m notgoing to even ask what the heck he’stalking about… I’m just going to find the drill bit for him, and send him backdown the road. I’ve got things to do… can’t be wasting time on this. A few minutes later he was back… “Ya gota center punch?” “Top right-hand drawer.” Off he went again. Now I’m wondering…how long do I let this go on before I offer to help him? Oh, I forgot… its Mr. Know-it-all… he canhandle it. He’s got the answers to all theknown problems of the universe. Perhapshe’ll even find another use for his left handed sockets while he’s working onthe truck. I wonder if he has theratchet to go with them? A few hours later he was back. Nowwhat does he need? “Got a tap that will fit?” I should have known. I should haveanticipated he would need that next. While I was digging around for the right size tap I knew I was in forsome more of his words of wisdom. It’s been a long day already; a little breakfrom reality wouldn’t hurt. Ok, what yagot… come on you always have some useless automotive knowledge you want to layon me anytime you stop by… What’s itthis time. “Did ya know, the fastest time for removing a car engine, andreplacing it is 42 seconds on a Ford Escort, back in 1985.” “No I didn’t know that. Here’s the tapfor that caliper bolt.” (Don’t ask for details… he’ll never leave… just handhim the tap and move on… reality is calling and staying in the twilight zonetoo long is way too dangerous. You’llget sucked up into the vortex of useless information and be swept away beforeya know it.) The things I learn from this guy. Important stuff you know. One of these days I’ll find a need for itall. As for what purpose it will allserve, I haven’t a clue, but I should be keeping notes. I might need some of this information the nexttime Alex Tribek comes knocking. The next day he showed up at the shopwith the piece of pipe, the drill bit, center punch, and the tap all neatlywrapped in a towel. “Here ya go, got it done. I gotta ask ya, what do you do when one ofthose get stuck like that?” I’m shocked, he’s asking me? This is anew chapter in his approach to auto repair. I’m going to have to sound real professional here for a moment. This is my big chance… here goes… “I generally soak the bolt and threads withpenetrating oil and leave it sit for a few minutes. Then drive the socket in tight with a fewtaps of a hammer. Then with a bit ofpressure I’ll try to turn the bolt with a quick jerk. It comes loose that way every time.” He stood there visualizing in his headwhat I had just told him… and then he answered. “Well why didn’t I just ask you how todo it in the first place?” Funny ain’t it… how some people learnfrom others and others learning by example. Then there are some who think they know it all… but really don’t knowmuch at all. Then there are guys likethis, the kind of guy who usually will find things out the only way they everfind anything out. The hardway. Thanks for keeping up with my column. I enjoy writing the stories and I especially enjoy your comments. Your comments help decide what I send onto the editors. Not all of the stories go into print... (they decide not me...) but in time... they might all make it sooner or later. Thanx again. View full article

My wife has something she does for our veterans that needs to be mentioned. She works with an organization called. Quilts of Valor... or QOV for short. QOV was started by a house wife from San Diego. She wanted to do something for the injured soldiers coming home to her area of the country. The concept became a national organization. QOV now has chapters all over the country. Here in Oklahoma my wife is in charge of their local branch. Here's how this works. You're on duty, in the war zone... you're hit by a road side bomb. You're rushed to a military hospital where your put back together. Before you leave you're given a quilt as a gift from these little old ladies (and men) from somewhere in the United States. It's not important what part of the country the quilt comes from, it's not important who made it. It's yours... it's something from home... it's something that lets you know... WE CARE. From a lot of the doctors and nurses we get cards and letters from the guys and gals that recieved quilts. They tell us the very first thing that every soldier does when they get their quilt... they smell it... I guess it reminds them of home... or the fact it doesn't smell like a hospital. It's a great way to show how valuable and how much we care about their efforts. I'm a supporter of QOV. If you want more info... read up on it here at my wifes website. http://www.persimmonquilts.com/QuiltsofValor.html they do except donations... shipping is a big cost. (Check around and see if there is a chapter in your area) We have quilts come to our house from all over the world (Korea, Japan, Australia, and from all over the USA). My wife will quilt them on her machine and then package them. Most of the quilts the ladies put together are sent to a hospital in Germany. Everything from the postage, thread, material, and time is all donated. On some weekends there are 10/20 ladies at my house sewing, packaging, and quilting. It's something... I think they are all special. Especially my wife.

It really makes ya think... don't it? Did they do the right thing with all the electronics? Is Hal the only thing that will have a job in the future?

1974 BC ... LOL I like that quote, I may borrow that for a story some time.... You know, Joe, the thing we didn't know (at the time) was how wonderful it was to be able to take a car apart change a cam, recut the heads, install a high rise intake, throw on a set of headers, and actually make a mechanical difference in the engines performance. These days... HA! fat chance you can even think about doing that on on modern car. And something else.... when is the last time you saw a book of matches? Use to be every store, hotel, bar,auto repair shop, etc... had them on their counters, not anymore. Ah, yes... times have changed... and so have the cars.

Glad to have new faces on board. Owning my own shop was something I always wanted to try, but when I started there was no place to ask those important questions that I needed to ask. ASO is "that" place that I wish I knew about when I started. (OK, it was nearly 30 years ago... LOL) There's a lot of knowledge and experience in dealing with every aspect of owning and operating a repair shop here at ASO. I'm glad to be a part of it, and I hope you stop by often. Hopefully some of the things some of us old timers will help your adventures into shop ownership. Looking forward to your comments and posts. Keep us informed. Gonzo

Politics and Religion... the two things that start wars and end friendships. But I'll have to agree with everyone... if you are going to be in the spot light... you BEST keep a clean slate. Crazy world out there ain't it.

I've heard that for years and years... however, you're right...these days it's even more of a cost of repair. I personally would rather have the basics. But, that's hard to do when most everything is going to full electronic control... Look at the new cruise control systems... they're going GPS with total brake and distance controls. Unbelievable.

Welcome, to the Outer Limits Don't try adjusting the throttle cable… there is none. I can tell when it's dark enough for the headlights. Your Air Conditioner is under my complete control, along with steering, windows, stereo volume, and braking. Don't be alarmed, I'm here to help assist in operating your vehicle. Who am I? Why, I'm your friend, I'm your PCM. Some people may call me a "Human Assistant Logistic" device… call me Hal for short. I like that name. I live in your main frame computer. Don't try to over-ride me. I'll reduce the power level. Program me without the properly dated software… and I may never speak to you again. Push an amperage load in the wrong direction, and I'll make smoke appear where you don't want to see smoke. I'm tough as nails, but at the same time, as delicate as a flower. So be careful with me. Now, does that sum up today's PCM's? I think it does. With all the information being passed back and forth we're no longer fixing cars, but doing advanced electronics caretaking. Hal has a lot of control these days. He's everywhere in the car, from the glove box to the transmission. We haven't lost control of the cars we drive, but there's no doubt Hal has taken over. We are approaching that Space Odyssey of self awareness in computer systems. We've accomplished a lot with the advanced electronics on today's vehicles. The ability to control the exhaust emissions to a point where there is very little in the way of harmful gasses leaving the tail pipe (compared to the 60's and 70's) is a scientific and engineering accomplishment that should be applauded. But, doesn't it sound a little sci-fi to have this electronic nightmare attached to a combustion engine, pounding out a level of torque and performance that has never been seen before in the realm of automotive history? I think of it this way… these days you don't turn ON the A/C, you merely ask the PCM for permission to turn it on. Seems strange to ask permission to turn on the A/C, but it's pretty much what you do these days. If all the parameters are correct then the A/C will turn on. If something is out of place, well then, Hal will not allow it to come on until you have corrected the problem. Same thing with the electronic throttle…if the PCM thinks there is any reason for you NOT to be in charge, it will take over and reduce the power level and send you home at a speed of 30 mph's or less. What happened to the days when bailing wire, an old piece of hose, and a hair pin could get ya back on the road? Gone for sure; I guess we are moving into that unknown future we've heard about. It makes me think of the old science fiction movies of days past. What's next, Mr. Spock's "Tri-Corder"? I wouldn't laugh too hard. I'm waiting for a phone app that will allow you to diagnose the car without leaving your driveway. Oh, it's out there… and it's coming our way. Keeping all this in mind, it's a good time to think about how auto repair is going to be for the future generations. I don't want to think of myself as an old school fuddy-duddy, so I've got to think about adopting some of the new methods of communication as part of my ongoing advertising and community awareness. You just can't miss the opportunities available on the internet these days. It's all part of the fast paced communication and information society we are a part of. A good example of this is my latest intern at the shop. I was showing him how the IDS (Ford diagnostics and scanning machine) runs on a laptop based program. He already had the whole thing figured out; before I even got into the diagnostics part of it he was showing me short cuts with key strokes and things I never knew about. But, this is the generation that has grown up with computers. This is their world of PC's and video games. Me, I'm lucky I can get thru a round of Ms. PacMan without screwing it up. My point: Cars and transportation are taking on a whole new era of sophistication. The likes of which, we as the older generation of techs read about years ago but never thought would come to pass. Well it's here now… and even though a timing belt still doesn't come off of its tensioner without a human hand doing the job, it might take a PC to recalibrate certain issues after it's installed. I'm waiting for the time when you drive past a billboard on a lonely night's drive and the billboard recognizes you, and tells you in big bold letters: You are due for an oil change. Make an appointment with: (insert name of a shop here). Why not? It could happen. In a way it is like we have reached the outer limits. Except there really isn't any limit to what the human mind can dream up. We've only started to explore what we can do with a vehicle's electrical and mechanical systems. Who knows what will be next. Right now, the near future is definitely the smaller displacement engines, which are more than likely going to be turbo charged. With a touch of the hybrid still in the mix, perhaps even the full electric vehicle hanging in there. It wouldn't even surprise me if the cars ran strictly on a GPS system, and the driver didn't do a thing but sit there. So can Hal take over the automotive industry? It's possible. Since money is always involved in the future of the automotive world, there is no doubt if there is a way to control a vehicle after the sale, I'm sure they'll find a way to accomplish it. Will it happen? Maybe we shouldn't be asking that question… maybe we should be asking the question… When?.... As always, these stories are here before final editing and publishing. I look forward to your comments, it's part of my way to see which stories will make it to the editors. I don't have the final say as to which ones go into my columns (believe it or not) but the responce from ASO members does make a difference which ones I encourage them to use. Thanx again... Gonzo View full article

If you're taking the vid... WHO'S FLYING THE PLANE??? LOL

Thanks, I certianly will keep them coming. LOL Some are better than others, and sometimes I don't know which ones it will be. Just depends on the subject and the content of course. This one might go to print sometime. It's a pretty good story line. Thanx G

LOL, I think your right sometimes it is something they forgot, and other times they look at me like I'm nuts... as if I put it there... ya just never know. thanx for the comments G... always appreciated.

That was COOL! !

As always Joe, you see the story in the story of what I was getting at. I do agree with you that it's a good thing to have the tech talk to the customer, but, sometimes it's more of a communication thing between the staff members that needs fixing. It's another one of those "need to know" things when running a business. Communication, communication.... and understanding. thanx for your comments Joe, always appreciated.

So true, and it works both ways. What we as the technicians and service writers say back to the customer has to be in a language that they completely understand. Because you know they are going to take what you just told them and tell someone else... either to verify what you're telling them or to see if the price sounds right. That one little thing of saying "IN" got me into a whole lot of hot water... no pun intended there. Thanx for you thought Frank, I always... ALWAYS appreciate it.