Gonzo

Great comments guys... Keep em coming. This was a last minute idea for a story, probably will never go into print. Usually any story that has a time line or a specific date won't make it into my columns. But, they're still fun to write. Glad ya enjoy the stories. Got a long year ahead and even more stories to tell. Happy New Year to All! Gonzo

The good and bad of 2011 --- the year in review With the end of the year upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to list some of the things I've run across that have just tripped my trigger… more than usually do. With cars lasting longer, internet sources, and good old fashion stupidity things are even crazier than in years past. Ok, there are more, but these are the ones that I thought most of us in the business have run into. But I don't want to end the year on such a sour note, how about we compare the good with the bad at the same time. I'm sure you have your own, and probably a few better ones. #12 the bad --- A customer just made the deal of the century off of E-Bay, which actually turns out to be the worst car still on four wheels, and now it's in the shop. #12 the good --- My customers still think I'm worth the effort to fix their newest find. #11 the bad --- That new pocket screwdriver has a really powerful magnetic tip on it… and it seems to find everything it can to stick to every time you lean over a hood, rather than staying clipped to your pocket. #11 the good --- I still haven't poked myself with the screwdriver when it's standing straight out from the core support. #10 the bad --- Wanna-be mechanics who come into the shop and tell me, "I've already changed the coolant fan, the fuse, the relay, and the sensors that the last guy told me to change. So it's got to be the wires that are bad. Which ones do I have to change? (Their thinking, "Let's not even consider testing anything, let's just change parts until it works.") #10 the good --- I know which wires they're referring too. #9 the bad --- Dropping sockets, wrenches and any other tools into the drain pan when it's full of oil or coolant. (Timeless, not just 2011) #9 the good --- I can still find them. #8 the bad --- A customer tells me, "My car shouldn't be broken, I just paid it off." #8 the good --- Customers value my advice as to how to maintain their cars. #7 the bad --- An extremely insistent customer tells you, "I need it done today! So drop everything you've got going on, and get this done for me. Call me right away!" I call them as soon as I get it done and they tell me … (see #6) #7 the good --- I'm glad I've got customers, any customers. #6 the bad --- "I'll pick it up in the morning." (Which actually turns out to be later that afternoon.) #6 the good --- The job's done, and there's more work in the shop. #5 the bad --- Changing oil on a customer's car, and you reach up for the oil filter… and it's on so tight you can't even budge it. #5 the good --- I've got the tool to get the thing off. #4 the bad --- A customer's car with the seat all the way up under the steering wheel with huge amounts of crap jammed behind the driver's seat and now the seat won't budge. (I can't squeeze behind the wheel with only 5 inches of clearance.) (Toss the basketball, extra purse, laundry…etc… on the other side of the car… now, move the seat back and get in.) #4 the good --- I realize I need to go on a diet. #3 the bad --- That special ordered part you've been waiting on… it's the wrong one. #3 the good --- I can return the part. #2 the bad --- the correct one… it's twice as much as the one you quoted the customer, and it's been in stock the whole time. #2 the good --- With great customers it's not hard to explain things and get the problem solved. #1 the bad --- Since cars are lasting longer and longer, parts are an issue. This is the no#1 problem I've had this year. You call the parts department at the dealership, and ask about a part. They have the corrected part number; they also have the current price. You ask them when they can get it, and they answer, "It's been discontinued." #1 the good --- After being in the business for so long, I can just about tell a customer what the outcome is going to be before I even order a part. That's where years of experience pay off, and makes me even more thankful to be in business for another year. The challenges of running a small business can be one of the hardest things that you'll ever face in your life time. But at the same time it can be as rewarding as anything else you'll deal with. I'm ready for those obstacles and ready to take on the challenge. Bring it on! I'm here for another year! Happy New Year to all! I hope 2012 brings a profitable and enjoyable year to you and your family. View full article

Excellent insight. These are some of the things that I've been guilty of forgetting to do over my many years. It's a good thing to be reminded from time to time how important each the customer really is. Great article... Gonzo

Thanx Joe

Merry Christmas Everyone I've done a version of this same poem for years and years. Still funny ...

Ode to Santa and the Economy Gonzo 2011 There goes Santa, running for his sleigh; He's got to run fast, to get away. You see, the economy has struck the North Pole as well; The elves are on strike, and his wife is givin' em' hell. These days when Santa appears at the local department store; It's not just for fun or photos, but for gifts he needs to score. He'll check the store layout and make a quick dash; Why even Santa max'd out his credit card and is low on cash. So off he goes, into the night; To find those gifts, and get out of sight. Now, he's not going to make a whole lot of stops; 'Cause look out Santa… here comes the cops. Santa leaps to his sleigh and fly's far into the night; Carrying all those gifts, on his yearly flight. Way into the morning, the police search high and low; Only to find a few tracks left in the snow. You'll hear all the alarms blaring, late into the night; But old Saint Nick will be long gone, and clean out of sight. Santa has to be quick, to have it done by Christmas Eve; So many gifts, and so many places to be… The presents will be wrapped, and the tags will be off; Cause old Santa is very careful, not to get caught. So check your presents, early on Christmas day; (Keep it hush-hush if they're from Santa, OK...?) Now, I don't know if Old Saint Nick, stopped at your house or not; But I thought you should know … … … … … THOSE GIFTS ARE HOT ! ! Merry Chistmas Everyone, and Have a Great New Year Too!!!! View full article

trusedmechanic pretty much said what I was going to say. But I'll add this on top of it: I used to install them, but as in many aftermarket components the big issue is how well they are enginereed. Which means "how long is it going to last". A few times I've had someone come back years later and tell me the unit isn't working correctly and ask me to repair it. Of course, there isn't any repair, there isn't any diagnostics with these things... you're on your own. Needless to say the customer usually isn't happy. AND there isn't much I can do about it. Especially if the company that was making the parts went out of business six months after I purchased the thing for the customer. So anymore, I have the customer go find it... I'll install it at MY price and then let them deal with its failures. Not me. Usually they'll go right for the cheapO place to have it installed. (that's fine with me)

Glad to have ya hear. You'll find all kinds of information here at ASO. Looking forward to your posts and insights.

Great comments guys... I read them all with a big smile on my face. Ah, the memories... and YES I should have had a photo of these two guys... maybe another of the fella Joe surprised with his bill too. Thanks for the comments, glad ya liked the story.

Priceless... simply priceless Gonzo, didn't you just love the look of amazement on tgheir faces when you did that!

Neighborhood Mechanic As the years start creeping by and the days go on and on, they tend to blend into one another. Then all of a sudden, you look back on all the years and wonder, "Have I made a career out of this mechanic stuff? I must have, I've been at this car repair thing for a long time." There can only be one explanation for the whole thing, it's my job. It really is my career. … It's what I do, and I guess in some weird wacky way I must enjoy it. Week after week, year after year, I keep coming back and grind it out till the next tomorrow. I'll work all day on cars and then I like to go home. I did mention going home, didn't I? … Well that's a subject dear to my heart; there is absolutely no reason I've ever found to work till dark-thirty every night. I'm just not that dedicated to the tool box I guess. I figure whatever it is… it will wait till tomorrow. I've never been one to want to work all night. I've got a home, I've got a family, I've got a life outside the shop. Work is work, but it's not my life's work… life itself is a career. One thing that some people find odd about my career choice is that I don't spend my weekends building a race car or tinkering on some old restoration project. Seriously, I get enough bolt turning, knuckle busting, and grease under my fingernails during the normal work hours. I just can't get all that thrilled to do the same thing when I get home. (It might be OK for some guys, but not for me… I'll leave the grease and grime at the shop.) But, there are times when my career choice does come in handy at home or in the neighborhood. Sometimes, it's just to answer a technical question, sometimes it's to check out their latest purchases. Then other times, I see something going on and the "mechanic in me" just can't ignore it… I've got to get involved. Many years ago I was living in a small town and I noticed an old import car sitting in the neighbor's driveway. Every now and then I would see a couple of guys under the hood doing some work on it, but the car never moved or started. Then one day I was out in my garage and I noticed another pair of "do-gooders" was working on it. I could hear the starter cranking away, and from the sound that the engine was making I had a pretty good idea what was wrong with it. I was busy with my own home chores, mowing the lawn, edging the driveway, that sort of thing and getting involved wasn't part of my weekend's plans. Besides, I didn't want to start any "home repairs" in front of my own house… that's what the shop is for. After about an hour or so I was done with my projects, and the two guys were still cranking the starter on the old car. I couldn't stay away any longer, so I walked on over. Typically, the neighbor had full confidence in his two mechanics, and a nosey neighbor like me couldn't do much more than get in the way of his "experts". At least I was going to try before they burnt out the starter motor. "Having car troubles?" I asked them. "Yea, it's not getting gas right, going to pull the carburetor off and rebuild it because it's not keeping the gas in the engine. It keeps spitting it out," the first grease covered guy told me. (I think I know what kind of mechanic I'm staring at… with an answer like that I knew these guys didn't have a clue what they were doing.) "You mind if I try something?" I said. It was an early 80's import with a small 4 cyl. engine under the hood. I reached down and grabbed the crank pulley and gave it a little twist. I turned it over by hand a little bit when I felt the crankshaft keyway fall back into place. "Try it now," I told the second so called mechanic. VROOM! It started right up. Of course these two guys were totally amazed. You could see the look on their shocked faces. Both of them were trying to figure out how some guy could walk across the street, reach, grab the crankshaft, give it a twist and the car magically starts. "I could hear it was out of time from across the street. I thought it had slipped the timing belt, but when I turned the crankshaft I could feel that it was actually the crankshaft keyway had broken off, and that was throwing it out of time. I just aligned it up long enough to start it," I told the two ace mechanics. "As soon as you shut it off the crank and camshaft will spin out of time again, and the only way it will restart is if I realign the keyway one more time." By now, the neighbor was helping the two "grease trackers" pick up their tools, and had their tool boxes already in the back of their truck before he even asked me if I would fix it for him. (Too funny) Later that afternoon, the neighbor and I pulled the timing belt and crankshaft pulley off and installed a new keyway. So much for leaving it at the shop…. I've got to admit, this is was not a normal occurrence. I try not to even keep any tools at the house, and I try to make the excuse that I can't work on anything at home because all my tools are at the shop. (But they still ask.) I'm very proud of what I do for a living, I'm very proud of my career choice. It may not be for everyone, but it suits me just fine. The only thing is I wish more people would take the time to recognize what it takes to become proficient at this job. It takes years of experience to be good at it, and yes, I do believe there is bit of that "given-talent" you need to have too. Some of us are born to be mechanics and technicians… and some… shouldn't be allowed near a tool box. But I still like to leave my job at the job and not at home. If you think about it, everyone has several careers, one you get paid to do and the others you do because you like to do them. When I'm home, I don't mind too much mingling careers together, but I'd rather just be another good neighbor… and not the neighborhood mechanic. I enjoy writing the stories and I enjoy your comments too. Each one of my columns have different ideas as to which story is going in their magazine. (I never have a clue till the magazine comes out which one is being published) I can somewhat help them decide. That's where ASO is a big help. Your comments and views lets me know which ones you like and which ones would most likely would be read in the various magazines. So help me out by leaving a comment. Always appreciated. Gonzo View full article

pretty cool video. a great experience and quite a memory to have of how other parts of the world live. cool stuff

Glad ya liked the story, My wife laughed thru the whole thing when she was proof reading. My little brother read it and his only thought was, "I remember it like yesterday." Seems everybody remembers when I screw up... good thing it's not to often... LOL Thanx again for your comments, always love to hear from ya. Gonzo

I don't know where the photo is... but, I'm sure if it's still around the wife knows where it is... LOL

Picture This (A lesson learned while teaching) Years ago my younger brother came to work for me. He didn't know a thing about cars, but was willing to learn all he could. Teaching new techs is an art that most shop owners have to learn to do, but teaching your little brother can be a chore and can test your patience. I muddled thru it all and taught him what I could. I was sure at some point in time the two of us would butt heads like brothers will do, and he would take his new found skills and move up in the rank and files of the automotive technical world, but in the meantime it was his turn to learn from his older brother. When he first started I would walk him thru each step of how to diagnose a certain system in a car. A lot of times he would have questions, and I'd do my best to answer them. He learned quickly and was really sharp at picking up some of those little details that are harder to teach, because you tend to forget to mention them while you're teaching. Mainly because you are trying to get to the solution as efficiently as possible, and you neglect to bring it up. Such as: "always test your test light connection before testing what you're testing, or don't forget to check for all your tools before you pull the car out of the shop…." Things like that. One day we had a truck come in with dual fuel tanks on it. The gas gauge wasn't working and needed some attention. This was a perfect opportunity for Junior to learn a few of my short cuts on these old models. It was an older Ford, in which the tank gauge ran thru the tank switchover button. It was rather easy to pull it out of the dash and connect to the gauge from the back of the switch. Luckily it was the typical problem I've seen a hundred times in the past. The switch connections would melt and the tank wouldn't switch from the front tank to the rear, and of course the gauge wouldn't move either. After locating the correct leads to the gauge and to the tanks I decided to show him how the gauge worked. I hooked up the one of the tanks to the crossover lead that would supply the signal from the tank to the gauge. "Ya see this, that's the lead to the fuel gauge in the dash, and this is one of the tank wires. I'll connect these together and we should get a reading on the dash," I told him. He was watching intently, taking in all the wiring diagram information, the location of the wires, and how I was bypassing the switch. He was fascinated with the flow of the current and the way the gauge would respond. I even went as far as moving the gauge from full to empty by opening and closing it to a ground signal. While I had his attention I filled him in on the two types of gauges that were used back then (bimetallic and magnetic) and how low resistance on a bimetal type gauge would read near a full tank, while a magnetic gauge would read close to empty. Change the resistance and the gauge would/should read accordingly. "So, if we put gas in the tank the gauge should move right? That way we could check the sending units in the tanks too," he asked me. "Great idea, grab a gas can and let's add a few gallons," I said, excited that he was so interested in the project. He grabbed a can of gas and poured a few gallons in the tank. I was watching the gas guage carefully, but there was no movement. I knew I was on the right wires, but nothing was happening. Now what? Are there more problems? "Crawl under there, and check to be sure the wire color is correct," I yelled from the cab to him. "Yep, it's the right wire on the tank." "Well, we might have to pull the tank; it's not changing the gauge readings up here." "Before we do that let's add some more gas, maybe we didn't add enough," Junior tells me. I thought I better go back and help hold the funnel, while he poured the gas in the tank. Unknowing to me, all this time my wife (who was the office manager) was listening in on the whole thing. She likes to keep tabs on me, and make sure I'm not going into one of my usual rants or having a fit because I had to explain something over and over again to little brother. This time she was standing at the corner of the shop just behind the truck with a camera. "CLICK", I heard the camera shutter go off and she was back there laughing like there was no tomorrow. "What's so funny?" I asked her. "You two idiots have been putting gas in the wrong tank. You're on the front tank, and you're putting gas in the rear tank," my wife answers, laughing hysterically. About then the camera "clicked" again… this time it was an action shot taken at precisely the exact moment when these two idiots had that dumb struck look on their faces and realized what they just did. The shot had both of us on our knees, one holding a funnel and the other with the half empty gas can, and both of us staring right into the camera lens. Couldn't have set it up any better if you tried. The picture clearly showed the side of the truck with both fuel tank doors visible and there was no doubt which tank we were putting in the extra gas. I guess it was one of those things I should have mentioned when we were checking the tank senders… make sure we are both on the same tank. For years that picture hung over her desk, and anytime I thought I was so smart she would point at the photo. Usually with that typical smirk, usually shaking her finger at me and of course the laugh… she had to laugh, but it wasn't all that funny until she had me laughing about it too. Ok, Ok, I'm not perfect... and now my little brother knows it too. These days he's a top notch tech at a dealership, and I have to call him on occasions for some help on how to solve things once in a while. Oh the photo… uhmmm… what photo?? Somehow it's missing… haven't seen the darn thing in years. But I guess I really don't need to see the photo … the wife has a pretty good memory... she reminds me just how smart I think I am every chance she gets. Keep those comments coming, always enjoy hearing from everyone. It makes my day to know I've put a smile on your face. Thanks for reading. Gonzo View full article

Yes "Becky" has some great vids out there... I do a some side line work for a company where I write all the test questions and quiz questions for the xGeorge and several other leading instructors to go with their videos. So I get to see a lot of the videos before they are released for sale.

Nah, not morbid... actually it's kinda funny. The only thing the show would need is "smell-a-vision" You just can't imagine the smell. It's like a bad gym locker with some egg salad that's spoiled in it. IT's really gross... I don't know how these guys drive these vans.... but what a TV show it would make. LOL too funny Joe... just too funny.

Body Snatchers Talk about creepy jobs that come into the shop, this ranks up there as one of the oddest. I have a regular customer with a company that picks up and delivers the deceased for funeral homes, private pickup from homes, and hospitals. His fleet of vehicles travels across the country picking up and delivering bodies wherever they need to go. Yes, that's what I said… bodies, and they are always busy. (Well, somebody has got to do it.) Here at the shop we gave them the nickname "Body Snatchers". Most of the vehicles from the outside look like your typical soccer mom minivans or a 4 wheel drive vehicle with the windows heavily tinted. (Gotta have 4 wheel drive vehicles for all the different weather conditions.) If one of these vans pulled up alongside of you… you wouldn't know it from any other car. From the outside they look like normal, just like any other car. The difference is… there are no back seats… only a flat board with room for two gurneys, a stack of body bags, plastic gloves, absorbent towels, and lots and lots of air freshener. There are no outside markings, no name on the side, not even a commercial license plate. Completely incognito … no one would know. I've been doing the work on these vans for quite a few years now, and I've seen a lot of weird stuff in regards to this morbid work they do. Actually the most fun is when they are dropping a van off and it's loaded with their "customers". They'll back another van up to the first one and transfer the "cargo" from one to the other. Watching the looks you get from people in our waiting room when all this is taking place is priceless. One of my least favorite things to do is work on the A/C systems. The smell… oh the smell… it creeps into every crevasse of the duct work. Take a real warm summer afternoon with the car sitting outside waiting to get into the shop, and you get to be lucky guy who turns the blower motor on for the first time. Oh, I'm telling you… it will knock you to your knees with the stench. Most of the vehicles have hundreds of thousands of miles on them. At last count the average miles I recorded on one of their vans was around 350,000 miles. There are a couple of the vans with over 500,000 showing on the odometer. A few years ago they brought in one on the back of a tow truck. It was a white van that didn't have a straight piece left on it. The top was smashed in, most of the windows were broken, and several tires were flat. Definitely a roll over, so I knew I wasn't going to fix this one back up, but was more than likely going to grab some spare parts off of it for the rest of the fleet. (It was one I just put a motor in, too.) After the tow truck got it back on the pavement out in the parking lot of the shop, I got a closer look at it. You could tell everything in the van had taken a tumble by the way it was strewn all over the place. I talked to the driver the next day when he came by to finish cleaning out the van. He was totally unhurt, but had an interesting story to tell me about the wreck. I've got to admit, it takes a special type of person to drive around with a couple of dead bodies in the back. Especially when they have to go from one state to another to retrieve a body, it's got to be a different type of ride home for sure. So one thing you better have is a good sense of humor and not to take things so seriously that it affects your job performance. This guy knew how to handle a situation. His story went like this; "I was on my way back with two bodies; it was late at night when a deer darted out in front of the van. I swerved to miss it, and ended up sliding down an embankment on the side of the van; it did roll over once but came to rest on its other side. I wasn't going fast, but it was still quite a ride. I climbed out and waited for the police." When the police got there he was sitting by the van making a phone call to the office. The state trooper asked him, "Is there anyone else in the van with you?" With a calm soothing voice of a funeral home director, the driver answered the trooper. "Yes, but they have already passed away." The driver then told me, "The poor state trooper turned as white as a ghost when I told him that." (Funny guy, even in such a situation… I kind a like this fella.) It took some explaining before the trooper's color returned to normal. By then another van from the company was there to help with the recovery of the "passengers" while the trooper did his best to explain the accident over his radio. I can just imagine the call, "A roll over wreck, affirmative, three occupants, two passengers are dead, driver unhurt. NO, I don't need an ambulance, send a wrecker… NO, the driver is taking care of the two dead bodies. YES, that's right … three occupants in the vehicle, two were already dead… No, I don't know how they died. Yes, the driver knows they are dead; he's already got them strapped to gurneys." This poor trooper had some major explaining to do. I eventually pulled the useable parts off the old van and sent the rest to the crusher for its final demise. The whole time I was tearing down the van I kept thinking about how this driver explained things to the trooper. He has the kind of a sense of humor that can take any bad looking situation and make light of the whole thing. I wish I could have been there when he explained it to the trooper the way he did. I probably couldn't have kept a straight face thru the whole thing, and I'll bet the trooper has got a new story to tell his buddies after all said and done. Just what everyone ought to have, a mortician with a comedic edge. I guess you could say; even on a dead day this driver finds a way of livening things up. Note: Like the story let me know. I never know what kind of story the editors are looking for so I try to keep a variety of different stories for them to select from. Your input can affect which stories get published in my column. (I tell them which ones has been commented on and which ones you liked) Leave a comment, let me know what you think of them. Thanx Gonzo View full article