Gonzo

This is one of those articles that probably won't ever get published. I'm sure a lot of my editors will say it's too harsh for publication. OK, maybe so... but... I will also tell them that this is something that happens every once in a while at every service counter, every small garage, and every shop I've ever talked to. It's more of an article just to say, "Hey, you're not alone... we've all been there." If you agree... leave a comment. I'd like a little "fire" power when I bring it to the editors.

I know what ya mean Frank. And you know the biggest thing that gets me is that they still walk out the door as if they're right. Even though they had no clue as to how to fix it... they still have that chip on their shoulder that they know how to do it, and I'm still an idiot. Go figure....

Stupid's Free There's always been a difference between the professional automotive technician and the weekend mechanic. These days the gap is growing ever wider with the technology changes. However, a lot of DIY'rs still are doing repairs at home and believe they know more than the professional tech even after admitting they don't know what they aredoing. Not to say there isn't adifference between the levels of knowledge at the corner repair shop and the next shop down the street. Sure, always has been. But, that's a result of experience, education and what type of repair is common to that certain repair facility... nobody knows it all. But, imagine how much difference there is between the uneducated, unfamiliar, and down right dumber than dumb person who tries to repair their car at home. I get a lot of these "home" repair guys in the shop with their family cars whose first claim to fame is how much money they are saving by doing the work themselves. Yes, professional auto care can be expensive, and in a lot instances you can save a few bucks by doing the physical labor yourself. On the other hand, there's an assumption made that you know what you're doing. This is where a lot of socket jockeys get themselves into trouble. Now with small hand held scanners and meters out in the market place there's an even bigger chance of a complete disaster waiting to happen. Take a problem I was involved with just a few weeks ago. A DIY'rs daughter's air conditioning wasn't working on a 99 Ford Escort. From his meager test results he saw a 12 volt reading at the clutch. His gut reaction was the clutch must be bad, which means a trip down to the local cheap-o-depot for a replacement compressor. After spewing the refrigerant into the atmosphere and more than likely a good amount of the oil he did managed to get the compressor replaced. Then he added a new can of refrigerant to the system. To put the second can in he had to start the car. Oh, oh...problem...the compressor still doesn't come on. "I checked it again and I still had 12 volts so I don't know what's wrong with it now. That's the only reason I'm bringing it to you," the DIY'r tells me. Knowing that most of these guys really don't want to spend a dime on repairs, especially something they feel they can do themselves I figured I would save him diagnostic time by helping him out a bit. I told him, "If you have 12 volts at the compressor sir, then it's most likely a bad coil on the compressor." "Nope, can't be..., it's new" I've lost count how many times somebody has told me the new part can't be the problem... because it's new. So I not only doubt the quality of his part but his test results as well. "Well, then...there's only one of two things it can be. Either it's a bad coil on the compressor or... you really don't have 12 volts at the coil," I told him. He still insisted he was right and that I needed to check it out further. Once I had it in the service bay I checked the voltage at the coil. Hmmm, that's peculiar... no voltage. This car uses a unit called a CCRM (Constant Control Relay Module) this module has several purposes but the one I'm concerned with is the 12 volts for the compressor clutch. I checked the output lead that lead from the CCRM to the coil... nothing. I then checked the signal from the PCM that controls the activation signal to the internal relay for the compressor at theCCRM. Perfect, no problem there. The culprit in this case turns out to be a faulty CCRM. Not a big deal, I'll call him and let him know. I gave him the option of doing the job himself, but he wanted me to do it since it was an "electrical" problem. All-righty then, I can do that, and while I'm at it I'll make sure he has the correct amount of refrigerant too. Everything seemed fine until he came to pickup the car. That's when this CrackerJack qualified DIY'r sticks his chest out and tells me his version of how to diagnose it and fix it. As usual, the wife is standing next to him for encouragement. "I had 12 volts at the coil so why didn't it work?" "Actually, there was no voltage at the coil." "Are you telling me I don't know how to read a volt meter?" "I'm saying you probably misread the meter, that's all." "I've been fixing cars for years.You're not going to tell me I don't know what I'm doing. You did something else to the car! You electrical guys have a trick to making things work and then I've got to pay for it!" "No, I'm afraid not. I replaced the CCRM and recharged the system with the proper amount of refrigerant." "I can put the refrigerant in." "How much did you plan on adding?" "I keep adding more until it's cold." "That's not a good practice sir; you should put in the amount it's supposed to have." "I guess you assume I don't know whatI'm doing at all... do ya?" You can imagine the rest of the conversation. I've stood at the service counter for many years and have been on the receiving end of these DIY'rs retributions before. Nothing new, might as well take their abusive comments, straighten the desk a little, jot a few notes down and wait for them to finish. (Never interrupt them... it will only take longer.) In his mind and explanation, (as usual) I turn out to be not only acomplete idiot, but have no reason for being in business. Obviously as he stated, I've been at this car stuff for nearly 30 years and have been doing it entirely wrong all this time. (Glad I found out now... geez...another couple of years of doing it wrong would have been devastating.) You know, after spending time in classes, schools, conventions and on the job perfecting my trade, I find that listening to these wanna-be mechanics blare out their reasons for owning a tool box only amounts to a whole lot hot air. Well, one thing is for sure... he left the shop with cold air in his car. Maybe he needs to drive around for a while and cool off. Then go home, take a class or something in the proper use of a multimeter. I don't like to assume I know, because all it does is make an ass out of U and me. There are plenty of tech schools and on line classes out there that will teach you how to be a mechanic. The old saying says it best; Stupid's free...but you pay for knowledge... the pros know it already... the novice just assumes it. View full article

Tell him to call a lawyer, call the police. They'll be happy to take a hand written reciept. Just because you bought them doesn't mean they were in the car. The police love stories like this.

Golfers know.... LOL the PGA just had a big tournament there last week. LOL

Get the clubs Joe.... I'll meet ya at the course... How about Beth Page... the Black course... LOL

I'll find some time for that too.

Are you kidding? Let's see.... Saturday is ... ah, golf... Sunday is.... ah, golf... Oh, and Monday... labor day... what else... golf. Yep, got my weekend planned out. Work???? Whats U B talking about... ain't no work on Labor day weekend. I'll be grillin' and chillin' with a big cigar and a cold beer after I get back from the golf course. COME ON BY! !

autographed copies of "Hey Look, I Found the Loose Nut" are available at www.gonzostoolbox.com LOL... yes, Joe...we should write a book, wait a minute....???? I did already... ROFL... great minds think alike.

I've had situations like this in the past... but, never had one where they left the car for so long. If they leave a car for more than 30 days I file a claim on it... and then...it doesn't matter what they say. What has happened in the past is the owner "forgets" where they put their stuff... for all you know they pawned the stuff but have totally forgotten about that. I wouldn't bend a bit... it's their problem. Why they could have left the car sitting in a Walmart parking lot for 2 months. Just because it's sitting "near" your place of business doesn't make it any of your concerns.

ain't that the truth Joe... ain't it the truth.

The Things Kids say Mrs. Turner came up to the service counter with her young son in tow. Her car has been having some idling issues for quite some time. She's a regular customer, and it's not unusual for her husband to try a few things first, but eventually the car ends up at the repair shop to get it taken care of. The boy hopped up on one of the bar stools with a small toy car in hand. He ran his little car up and down the counter, while his mom and I discussed the car. "My husband tried a few things, but he wasn't having much luck with it," Mrs. Turner went on, "He's very handy around the house you know, but there are times he just needs to step aside and let the professionals take over." The young boy looks up from his little car with a little quirky look on his face and says to his mommy, "Daddy doesn't like mechanics." The embarrassed mother still blushing and extremely apologetic, looks down at her son and says, "Oh he doesn't mean that son. He meant he thought he could fix it instead of taking it to the mechanic." "Ah uh, Mommy, he was pretty mad when you told him you were taking the car," the toddler tells his mom. She turns to me and lays the keys on the counter, "Call me when you have some answers." Mrs. Turner put a firm grip on her young son's hand and led him out the door. As they were almost out of the front door the little boy said to his mom, "But Mommy, daddy said mechanics are dumb, and they don't know how to fix it. Daddy said he could fix it, Mommy." I can just imagine the conversation on the way home. I'll bet Mrs. Turner was not a very happy camper, and I'm sure the boy was getting an ear full. Me, on the other hand, has to go back and play the part of the dumb mechanic, and see if I make it past the "can't fix it" stage the youngster so carefully informed his mother about. The actual problem was too simple even for a novice mechanic. As soon as I opened the hood I didn't need any fancy scanners or diagnostic equipment, just a good ear. The idle problem was a loud hissing, leaking vacuum hose. A new section of hose took care of the problem in no time. I don't think Mrs. Turner has even made it to her house yet. She's probably still giving the boy that parental talk about what not to say in front of strangers. I'll wait a bit before I call her, you know… gotta give her some time to finish that speech to her son. After lunch I made the phone call and told her that I had the car finished, and she could pick it up anytime she wanted. Of course she asked what was wrong with it, so she could tell her husband about it. "I'll save the old piece of hose I changed out, so you can show him what I found." It wasn't long before Mrs. Turner and her son were back at the service counter to pick up the car. The little guy had another toy car this time, and he kept himself busy running it up and down the counter. Mrs. Turner was busy writing out the check when the little guy stopped his little race car directly in front of me. "Did you make smoke come out from under the hood like Daddy does?" "No, I didn't make any smoke come out of the car," I told him, "Did your dad do that?" "Yea, Daddy can make smoke come out of his big truck." Mrs. Turner tore the check out from her book and sweetly patted her son on the head. He looked up at his mom and said to her, "Is Daddy a mechanic? Is Daddy dumb? You said last night that Daddy was dumb." The embarrassment was showing on her face. I smiled, thanked her for her business, and handed her the keys. She turned towards the door with her hand on the back of her boys head… leading him out the door. As they walked to the door the little guy was clinging onto his little car. Mrs. Turner looks down at her son and tells him, "From now on, the only cars your daddy is going to be making any smoke come out of is one of your little race cars, son." The little guy, stunned at his mom's suggestion says in a loud voice, "Uh, uh mommy… he'll break it!" Ah, yes… the things kids say… no doubt Mrs. Turner will be having another talk with her son on the trip home. I'm not sure at what age our inner thoughts stop becoming so vocal, but as an adult in this polite, politically correct world we live in, we just keep those things to ourselves. It's probably a good thing we do…. View full article

Joe, I would have done exactly what you did. When you can't verify a repair how do you know you've done a repair? Suggestive repairs are the way I handle these situations. But, as soon as another "expert" gets involved the first expert is no longer valid. If nothing else you could at least show her the price difference between having the dealer make the repair vs. the independent shop. I'd rather lose a customer over things like this rather than deal with the..."I think I fixed it" approach. Ya can't win them all, and I don't even try anymore. I have to stand behind what I do. If the car does act up again you know she'll call you ...FIRST...then you'll tell her to take it back to the dealer. AND, if the tech is found to have done something wrong...he can just quit and go to the next dealer rather than dealing with it (seen it happen before)...you and me, well... we've got the keys to the front door... we'll be back tomorrow regardless.

I'll buy the first round of cold drinks. LOL

Temporary Helpers There are times I find I have more helpers in the shop than I have on the payroll. I didn't ask for this extra help, but there they are, right there in the middle of the shop. Who are they, where did they come from? Ah, yes… it's those customers who have to keep an extra keen eye on their ride. They're pretty sneaky how they manage to get past the front desk, the waiting area, through the service door, and squeeze by the tire racks. For safety reasons its best that the customer keeps to the waiting room, but for some of these adventurous individuals they feel they need to help me out no matter what. There are too many hoses, cords, and dangerous types of equipment to be spending the afternoon in a place you're not familiar with. A lot of times an unsuspecting "helper" just won't notice that floor jack, or those sharp tools at the edge of the work table. To some of these new helpers it doesn't matter, they'll still want to wander back there and help me out. I can usually spot who's going to be the next shop helper. All I have to do is pull their car into the shop. If there's a fresh icy drink in the cup holder, an open pack of cigarettes and lighter lying on the passenger seat, a book, or a laptop, there's a good chance they'll be popping their head around the corner. "Do you mind if I get my drink out of the car?" my new shop helper will ask. Well, what to do…can't say no… "Sure, go ahead, you can grab it," I'll tell them… (Grudgingly) Now, sometimes… they grab their drink, and they head right back to the waiting room. Other times, I'm not that lucky. It's their perfect excuse to hang around the car. Soon the new shop helper is leaning over the fender with their ice cold drink watching the process of me figuring out what's up with their ride. At times, it's rather interesting; other times… it's simply annoying. I can never tell until the conversations start. If the first question is, "What do ya think it is?" I know it's going to be one of those days. Like most new helpers, they're unaware of the dangers of posing such an inappropriate and pointless question at this point in time. I'd rather not guess at this stuff. If I guess they'll think that's the answer. If I'm wrong, the next thing you know I'm trying to explain why whatever I thought it was.. isn't the problem. Thinking just gets me into trouble; let's try verify, diagnose, and then repair for a change of pace. So I think… I'll find out what's wrong first. "Let's run some tests, and then we'll know for sure," I tell them. Some get the idea they're out of place and should probably stick to watching the ice melt in their drink. Others, well… let's just say it wouldn't take much to reach over and pick up a wrench or two. They'll lean on the A/C recovery machine while it's running as if it's an old fashioned hitching post, or stick their head through the passenger window while I'm under a dash. I have to keep from laughing watching their spastic reactions to the recovery machines unexpected clicks and groans, as they stand there trying to act casual. Oh don't worry, no matter how clumsy it may look with all their uncoordinated antics, they're still going to keep a firm grip on that drink. This little trip into the back of the shop isn't so much to check up on their car, but more as a way to observe the process of diagnosing the problem. It's as if it was some sort of exhibition. They'll look high and low throughout the shop, take a few sips from their drink, and then pay attention to what I'm doing to see how I find out what's wrong. The new help will concentrate on what I'm doing, so they can go home and tell their friends about some sort of wild looking machine or technique they watched me perform on their car. A while back I had an old fella who wanted to be next his car the whole time. He was one of those "helpers" who had stories of car repairs from years gone by. Interesting, yes… helpful… not a bit. He was really interested in seeing how it was done in a modern shop. The project for the day was to find out why the service light was on. In this case all I needed was a scanner. I grabbed it, hooked it up to the car, and turned the key on. "That's one of those new fangled scanners I've heard about," the old timer tells me. "Yep, it sure is. I'll go take a look at the codes now, I'll be right back." I guess he thought I was going to get another tool or something. What he didn't know was the scanner I was using was actually a wireless unit hooked up to my shop computer in the back office. So, while he was standing by the car waiting for me to return, I was busy pulling the information up on the computer in the comfort of the air conditioned office. Once I had the code, I had a pretty good idea what was wrong with the car. I came out of the office and headed straight for the gas cap, and screwed it back on. "Ok, that should do it. I'll be right back," I told him. "Is there anything you need me to do?" the old guy asked. "Nope, you're fine… I'll clear the code, and check the rest of the car's systems. Be back in a minute." My bewildered helper stood there… speechless, as I ran back to the computer to clear the code and get the print out for him. When I came back I reached under the dash and unplugged the scanner. "So are you going to be able to find out what's wrong with it?" he asked. I flipped the key off and said, "Already got it, we're all done here… the reason for the service light was because your gas cap was loose." "You're already done? I guess things have really changed since the days I worked on cars. You really didn't need my help at all did ya? These new cars and scanners are pretty smart." the old guy tells me. Yea, things have changed from those old days, and I guess in another decade or two, I'll be the old guy hanging around the next generation's repair tech. No doubt I'll be that unwanted temporary helper telling the stories about how I used to fix cars, too. Yep, that day's coming… don't know when, but it's coming. Guess I better prepare … now where did I put that ice cold drink? View full article

I call my torch, my "gas axe" Whenever I get a car from up north the salt damage is incredible. Most everything you touch on the underside needs to be cut off. Glad I don't see to many of them. Turns into a lot of work.

I'm happy just to see new people take an interest in automotive repair

Yeah I'll bet he some guy

Poking it with a Sharp Stick It's not so much in my business that I work with the general public, but it's more of what kind of public gives me the business. I'm not talking about people who can think and reason like most educated, knowledgeable people. It's the cave man mentality, the ones whose elevator doesn't go to the top floor, or the ones who can't seem to get both oars in the water. I'm referring to common sense, the one quality that is lacking in every halfwit adventure I've either seen, or been a part of. (I can't leave myself out of this one... guilty as charged) It stands to reason if some of these mental giants were among the intrepid pioneers who crossed the great divide in a Conestoga wagon, they probably would be the ones that never made it. But, with so many modern conveniences like diet, clean water, and modern medical care, these half-wit trail blazers roam freely throughout every part of the countryside. There was a comedian some years ago who told a story about his ancestors from the Stone Age. He commented on how some people felt it necessary to leave the safety of the cave to take on some huge beast with nothing more than a sharpened stick, only to be trampled to death by the same prehistoric behemoth. He went on to say, "My relatives were the ones who stayed in the cave... how else can explain my being here?! If my ancestors were the ones who got killed off, how would it be possible for me to be standing here telling you all about them? My relatives had the good sense to stay out of harm's way. Were my ancestors brave? Sure they're brave, they're just not stupid." "Oh look, large man eating beast outside the cave, I'll stay here… you can go out there. I've gotta sharpen my stick, and while you're gone I'll paint your picture on these cave walls. Our ancestors will think you're great hunters that way." ("Right, when in fact they're running for your lives…!") Funny, yes, true... I guess so, and in similar ways, it's how some people tackle car repair. In most states there's no regulation to keep someone from poking their pointed stick under the hood of their car, or hanging a shingle on a shop door and call themselves a "mechanic". The unsuspecting consumer is at the mercy of the phone book (and other sources) to find a shop that can actually make the appropriate repairs on their car. It's like the car has turned into a huge mammoth, and the person attempting the repair is just taking stabs at it with a sharp stick. No training, no experience, and more than likely no clue what they are doing. This is but one of the many reasons why the automotive field gets such low marks in the consumers' eyes. As one of my customers told me, "It's getting harder and harder to find a good mechanic these days". And, from what I can tell, it hasn't been much better in previous decades either. A typical example of this was last week. An older gentleman came into the shop with an air conditioning problem on his 1967 Thunderbird. Sweet ride, entirely original... just the way he liked it. He had been to several shops trying to get the air conditioning working. This car was factory equipped with the old style compressor and A/C lines that didn't use a Schrader valve, but instead had the hand shut off valves that you moved (in the correct direction) to recharge or change the compressor. The owner's story was that every place he went to, no one knew how to use the hand valves correctly to refill the system. They were all good at replacing parts, but had no clue as to how the system worked. I'm old enough to have worked on these when they were very common. All the previous shops could have figured out how they operated, if they would have just put down their pointy stick, and did a little research. (FYI - There's only 3 positions to be concerned about: Front seated blocks off the compressor, Mid-position is used to allow flow between entire system, compressor, and the gauge port, and the most important one, back seated, which allows the entire system to work normally.) Turned into an easy job for me; all in all, the A/C system was blowing cold air in no time. All it took was a little basic knowledge rather than guessing at it. (No telling what parts actually needed replaced, by the time I saw the car everything was new, oiled, and mounted correctly.) Too bad for the owner though, he paid each and every one of them to do what I just did... make cold air. The T-bird owner was overjoyed to finally have his air conditioning back in working order. (He did tell me he wasn't about to use those other guys ever again.) I guess after so many pokes with that sharp stick the T-Bird owner had had enough. Then there's the DIY'r trying to repair the car in the family cave. First it's a jab with the pointed end of their stick, then two, then another, until they either figure it out, or they find the information they need to make the repairs. There's been a lot of talk lately about the factory information not being available... really?? What Neanderthal told you that? I've been working professionally in the car repair business for a long time and I've never had any problem obtaining factory information. The hard part is getting the right scanners (at reasonable prices) and education these days. It's out there; it just may take a little poking around to find it. (Pun intended) The big thing is, it's not free, never has been. Poking the sharp end of your stick at the manufacturer and expecting him to roll over like a wounded mammoth and hand you the information for free … just ain't happening… ever. I have this mental image of a DIY'r and their protégé the "untrained mechanic" as the cave men portrayed in the painting with the great mammoth in center. The cave men are throwing their spears into the beast, but the huge behemoth of prehistoric times still isn't quite finished off. It's not a futile effort, if they keep stabbing at it they'll eventually get the job done. Gee, doesn't that sound just like a couple of guys trying to figure out what's wrong with the car by throwing part after part at it? It does to me. Poking around with that Stone Age sharpened stick method of diagnostics is a slow and unproductive way of making any kind of automotive repair. But, I still see the same kind of poor workmanship even today. Working on modern cars, and even one from a few decades ago requires the right tools, the right information, and a bit of common sense. If you've got all that, you've got half the battle won. That common sense and good repair practices goes a long way. One thing's for sure… it beats poking it with a sharp stick. Ya just have to wonder sometimes, what people are thinking. I get a lot of cars in the shop with pointed sticks dangling from the car. I guess there is a lot more cave dwellers out there than I could even imagine. Comments welcomed... View full article